BULLYING EFFECTS & CONSEQUENCES AS A VICTIM

During a recent trip to Tennessee to visit family, I was constantly reminded of how bullying remains in the lives of youth. On my flight back, I talked with a few people on board who shared their negative experiences with bullying. I advised we would continue to voice this challenge as we try to engage all youth in Character Building, Career Development and Community Involvement.

For children/youth that are or have been victimized by bullies, there are usually serious impacts on their lives and development. Negative health consequences of bullying can generally be classified under four categories:

• Low Psychological Well-being

• Poor Social Adjustment

• Psychological Distress

• Physically Ill-health

Such harmful effects can be both short-term as well as long-term:

Short-term Effects

Drop in grades to poor school attendance: Victims of bullying typically start to lose interest in school work, and may even avoid going to school, for fear of being bullied. As they spend an increasing amount of time thinking of ways to evade the trauma, they have less energy left for learning, thus their academic results suffer. That would in turn lead to more pressure and shame.

Loneliness and poor social relationships: Victimization is related to immediate effects such as loneliness, anxiety and a low sense of self-worth too. Besides that, those bullied usually have few friends, and their friendships are often of poor quality.

Physical ill-health: Physical ill-health symptoms can occur as well such as headaches, mouth-sores etc. Such health problems take place as constantly resisting and fearing the bully taxes the mental and physical defenses, causing the body system to break down.

Long-term Effects

Lowered self-esteem and depression: Bullying victims generally suffer from lower self-esteem, and a greater susceptibility to depression in the long run as compared to their non-victimized counterparts. Research has shown that there is “a causal link between peer victimization and low levels of well-being”.

Suicide: Apart from that, there had been several cases of “bullycide”, whereby victims commit suicide because of frequent bullying.

Self-harm: Many victims may choose to suffer in silence, or inflict pain upon themselves.

Revenge leading to violent juvenile behavior: Some victims may strike back in vengeance. The latter may consequently display violent juvenile behavior.

Due to the many damaging consequences of bullying, the victims are often trapped in a vicious cycle of continued victimization. Hence proper measures to prevent and to deal with the issue ought to be implemented. Social support is vital too, for the lack of it can contribute significantly to poor mental health among victims as well.

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Travis Hardin

THE BULLY, THE BYSTANDER, THE BRAVE, CHOOSE ONE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

You have to choose a role!

In the case of bullying, there is always attention given to the person that is being bullied. In most cases we rarely, if ever, hear of the person that commits the act of bullying, i.e the BULLY. There is another person that is almost certain to be there that is never mentioned...the BYSTANDER. That's right, the BYSTANDER! Are you a BYSTANDER?

According to a University of Washington report on bullying , about 85% of bullying incidents have bystanders. The report by Craig and Pepler, Making a Difference in Bullying, states that bullying usually stops within 5 seconds when there is someone BRAVE enough to intervene. 5 SECONDS!!!
Watching is just as bad as doing the bullying yourself! Don't laugh because someone is being teased. To you it is teasing, to them it might be torture!

Some believe that we should just allow teens to work these things out on their own. The problem with that is often times the solution is final. Teen suicide is on the rise in our country, in case you have not been paying attention. Bullying is a major part of this problem! In addition to being a factor in teen suicide, bullying is also a huge factor in students bringing weapons to school. In fact, bullying affects everything at school, from grades to relationships.


Which role do you choose?

The Bully?

The BYSTANDER?

The BRAVE?

Time is up? What's your choice?

THE BULLIES WHO LOST

                                      
By Travis Hardin
Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

                                       
 

No matter how (un)popular you were in high school, Whitney Kropp’s story hits home.

Imagine this: she’s sitting in math class as the homecoming court is announced over the PA system. She’s surprised – and thrilled - when she hears her name in the homecoming line up.

"She's just sweet. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body," Whitney’s mom, Bernice Kropp, told The Detroit News (as reported in a wonderful article, “Town turns tables on school prank”).

But the surprise quickly turned into a nightmare: it turns out that Whitney was picked as a joke. The 16-year-old found out, via Facebook and word of mouth, that “popular” kids put her name in the running as a prank. Hysterical: an unpopular girl in the homecoming court! Right?

Wrong. But what makes this act of bullying different is that it wasn’t hushed up or ignored. Covering up incidents of bullying ostensibly protects the victim, but it can also send the message that the bullying target is somehow at fault; it also lets the bullies off the hook. But that’s not what happened in this case. Instead, Whitney’s sister told her friends, who told their parents, who told their friends, The Detroit News reported.

Word spread and people rallied around Whitney in support. Someone created a Facebook page in support of Whitney, and it has more likes than the rural Michigan town has residents. Local businesses rallied around the teen, donating her dress, shoes, jewelry, hair styling and makeup. The 16-year-old was escorted by her father and grandfather to the field, where she confidently took her place in the Ogemaw Heights High School homecoming court. Students on the opposing team cheered Kropp on with banners.

The overwhelming support is heartwarming, and the outright rejection of 1980s John Hughes-esque high school meanness is inspiring. I love how this town has turned the tables on these small-minded bullies; this kind of community support is what could finally put an end to bullying once and for all.

Do you think this could happen in your city? In order to assist against bullying efforts in your city, speak up and encourage ALL youth. It doesn’t hurt to share your stories from when you were a teenager. The time is now to be Honest, Open and Transparent.

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“GIVING” Begins at a young age

I was recently asked by a coworker, why I give to my community as often as I do. I thought about it for a brief moment and responded with “My today is a result of GIVING when I was younger.” I saw my father give of his time when I was young and it always had a huge impact in the lives of those he helped. The key is, teaching our youth to give when they are young.

It can be tough to teach children the value of giving in a society when they're surrounded by messages about the value of getting. Here are five ways to start:

Start small when the kids are small.

Youth might be happy to help bake cookies for a friend but end up wanting to keep the gift themselves. An exercise for a young person would be baking enough cookies to keep and enough cookies to give. Young children need help in learning to share.

Teach your child that he doesn't need money to give.

Help your child make gift certificates good for "one free car wash" or "breakfast in bed" that he can give to a family member.

Involve your child in selecting the gift.

You may think that donating to cancer research is important, but your child who is an animal lover may be more interested in making sure the dogs at the humane society have an extra treat at the holidays. Help them find a way to give the gift they feel is important.

Be a role model.

Volunteer your family's time at a soup kitchen or senior center. Gather small-size toiletries, such as toothpaste and shampoo, and pack them in gift bags to take to a homeless shelter. Ask your child if they'll help you baby-sit for a neighbor's toddler so the neighbor can do some shopping or stop and help you bring groceries in for an elderly person who has returned home from the grocery store.

Personalize giving.

It's faster for busy parents to write a check to a charity, but it has little impact on a child who can't see where the money is going or imagine the people who benefit. Delivering canned goods to a food bank is more meaningful than dropping a check in the mail. Your family could "adopt" a needy family through a community organization, choose the gifts and wrap them.

Feeling too busy to organize an activity like this? Author Ellen Sabin has suggestions that can work for the most time-challenged parents. Sabin wrote The Giving Book: Open the Door to a Lifetime of Giving, an interactive workbook to help 6- to 11-year-olds discover the joy of giving and their power to make a difference. Sabin also offers free tools and guides for parents, teachers and religious educators to use with her book.

Sabin suggests having a family conversation about what you're thankful for. That will help your child realize that what she values may be missing in other people's lives.

Sabin also offers three activities to try. "These things don't take huge amounts of time. They just take a few moments of thoughtfulness."

• Start a tradition in which family members set aside one of their gifts to give to someone less fortunate.


• Think of someone without a family - a soldier, a distant relative, a friend in the hospital - and write a letter as a family to make the person feel loved and included during the holidays.


• Talk about beginning the New Year with a family giving box. Everyone can regularly add a small amount of money to the box to contribute to a group or cause the family agrees to support.

Giving gives children a sense of self-esteem and pride, says Sabin. "Giving is addictive. It gets in your blood. It makes you realize that you and your actions matter." I challenge you to GIVE today.

 

Travis Hardin,

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Unconditional Movie

A Call To Action

By: Jody McPhearson

I wanted to personally let you know that The Re-De-Fined Project has entered into a national partnership with the filmmakers of the movie Unconditional. Unconditional is an inspiring movie that raises awareness of ministry with “at risk” youth and moves its viewers to action in their community. Unconditional is a tool that can highlight the work of The Re-De-Fined Project and engage new funding and resources in our community.

MOVIE SYNOPSIS: Samantha Crawford (Lynn Collins - X-Men Wolverine & John Carter), an acclaimed children's book author, went from a woman of faith to a woman in despair when her husband was killed in a senseless act of violence. With no leads and no hope, Sam's moments from taking her own life when God's providence intervenes, uniting her with an old childhood friend, Joe Bradford (Michael Ealy - Barbershop & Think Like A Man).

Dying of kidney disease, Joe spends his last days serving fatherless children in an under-resourced community. Observing "Papa Joe's" tireless love for his "kids", Sam begins to find new purpose, but has difficulty letting go. The innocence of a child competes with the lure of revenge and answers. When Sam finally learns about her husband's last moments her life and others are never the same.

CALL TO ACTION:
UNCONDITIONAL is the first feature film from Harbinger Media Partners, which creates and produces high-quality theatrical films to inspire moviegoers to pursue God and serve others.

Partnering with scores of ministries and non-profit organizations around the country like the one run by the real-life Papa Joe Bradford, UNCONDITIONAL is encouraging people to ACT on the needs in their communities. Learn more about ACT. http://unconditionalthemovie.com/act

Unconditional inspires its viewers and calls them to action in their community by partnering with local organizations such as The Re-De-Fined Project. We are currently the only national partner in the state of Arizona.

The filmmaker’s motivation for making this movie was to motivate people to ACT! Their strategy is to partner with local ministries who will facilitate their viewers in giving, volunteering, and partnering.

HOW YOU CAN SPREAD THE WORD:

As a national partner, the movie will advocate for The Re-De-Fined Project cause and connect Unconditional viewers with our work.

We invite you to help spread the word about Unconditional in your community by sharing this message to as many people as you know and inviting them to visit the website http://www.unconditionalthemovie.com and to follow Unconditional on Facebook, Twitter, and share the trailer.

Jody McPhearson
Founder/President
The Re-De-Fined Project
Hire Jody McPhearson to speak to your organization, school, or group.
http://www.unconditionalthemovie.com/act_orgpage.php?id=96

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MOVIE AND SEE A TRAILER CLICK HERE
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MOVIE'S CALL TO ACTION CLICK HERE

YOLO - MAKE IT A LIFE THAT MATTERS

By Jody McPhearson

"Teaching Teens Their Lifes Matter'

 

 

Thursday, this was the headline that caught my attention. "Ervin McKinness, Aspiring Rapper, Tweets 'YOLO' About Driving Drunk And Dies Minutes Later!" Is this really YOLO?

There is no doubt that “YOLO” (You Only Live Once), from the song "Motto", has grown to be the coolest new thing for young people to say this year. The new saying has been used to describe everyday life, and has gone as far as being tattooed on celebrities! Let me tell you something...It's only cool if you are doing something cool with your life! And just so there is no confusion, by cool, I mean purposeful.

YOLO, or "You Only Live Once," is sort of a teen interpretation of "Carpe Diem". You know, "Seize the Day!" The problem is that the interpretation does not resemble anything close to seizing the day. It appears to be more about seizing the moment, in a way that relieves the person of all responsibility. It has become an excuse for irresponsible, immoral, reprehensible, and even sinful behavior.

That's not YOLO! YOLO is making a difference in someone's life. Yolo is making a decision to move away to follow your dreams of being an engineer by enrolling at a university across the country. YOLO is committing to a year abroad as a missionary to have an impact on the lives of people who can not help themselves. Yolo is volunteering right here in your own community to teach teens they matter.

This is YOLO! Being a teen and giving up a Saturday morning to help others.

You Only Live Once! Make It A Life That matters!
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A PLAY DESIGNED FOR SUCCESS

Did your favorite NFL or college team win over this past weekend? Here at The Re-De-Fined Project, we are still undefeated (1-0) as the Dallas Cowboys and Chicago Bears won their opening games.

More importantly, it’s the work put in while no one is watching that helps teams remain good year after year. Regardless if your team is winning or losing, the hard work and dedication of the organization has to reflect a supportive base.

As it is in sports, it is behind the scenes where our young people gain the upper hand on the rest of the competition. Those nights when school, home or work is so challenging, they are ready to give up. It will always take discipline, hard work and dedication for our young people to rise to the top. What is more critical than their determination is the supportive base of the COMMUNITY.

We as the supportive base, COMMUNITY, have to learn to be more unconventional with our approach. If a team runs the same play 55 times a game, they will never win because the defense will always know what is coming. This is true with our kids and with our young people. Changing the setting or routine can shift the balance and have the desired effect. Many parents report that while riding in the car their teens open up and talk more. It also helps to intentionally ask questions and show that you care about what they have to say.

Set up a conversation with comments like, "Growing up can be hard, and I've been wondering how it's going for you"; or "I realize you are at a point in life where your friends can really influence the choices you make." Another is "I want you to know that I will always be here to support you."

-Here are some suggestions for questions to discuss together:

-What's been easiest for you this year?

-What's been the hardest thing so far?

-What's a decision you made that was wise?

-What's a decision that you regret?

-How have you handled it when other kids wanted to do something you knew wasn't a good choice?

-How have you made your decisions?

-What's something you could do if a friend offers you drugs or alcohol?

-What could you do if you are curious about some of the things your friends do, but you know they are probably not so smart?

-Have you faced any situations that made you feel really uncomfortable? How did you handle it?

Raising kids can and will be difficult with last minute adjustments and challenges that at times will seem insurmountable. The road to success can become more manageable with a few basic steps. By showing support, asking thoughtful questions, listening with care and staying involved, parents and COMMUNITY can help our youth win in more phases of life. I dare you to run the above mentioned designed play. Watch the response from our hungry youth. It will be much appreciated.

Travis Hardin

Pay it Forward

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YOU HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET!

 

So this is my first and hopefully last time ever mentioning Kimberly Noel Kardashian formally.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about her. This is also about the media, and I suppose, society as a whole.

Here is how all this came about.  I ran across this quote. "I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame," [said Kim], "So, of course I'm so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want. I would love to break that mold." –Kim Kardashian

One of the biggest honors in the entertainment industry is achieving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. While Kim Kardashian has appeared in a few TV series and films, she has not come close to having earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

"She is a reality star. We don't do reality stars," a Chamber of Commerce rep responded. "She needs to get a real acting job then come to us."  Kim Kardashian not getting star

Here’s a look at her credits:

Disaster Movie, Beyond the Break TV series, CSI: NY TV series, Deep in the Valley straight to DVD, and Drop Dead Diva TV series.

This list doesn’t even mention her most famous role, you know the one that started it all, opposite Brandy’s little brother! What makes her think that she is deserving of a star. Maybe a star on The Walk of Shame would be more appropriate? By now this probably sounds like a Kim Kardashian bashing blog. It is not!

Here is what this blog is really about. You! Just because you want something does not mean that the world owes it to you. It is good to know that there are still some things that you are expected to earn.  It is good to know that money cannot buy everything.

It seems as if everyone wants to be famous for doing nothing more than what the last person did. I am sorry, that is not entirely true. Some want to be famous for acting more foolishly and outlandish than everyone else. For pushing the envelope!

How about putting all of that energy into making your community a better place to live, making your neighborhood a safe place for kids to play in front of their homes, solving some of the more serious issues in society, tackling issues like homelessness and teen suicide? If you want your star, your fifteen minutes of fame, EARN IT!

If you want to be famous, rich, well known, Earn it! You are not special just because you want to be. Do something! Create something! Help somebody! Like this guy!

Mark West from Phoenix Suns hosts annual free basketball and education camp.

Get involved

Jody McPhearson
Inspiring Teens to Live a Life of Purpose
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You are not a good enough YOU!

You could be the Next...Stop right there. Let's agree by the end of this blog that we will stop saying that.

                                              "Photo via The Caffiene Report"

You could be the next Barrack Obama! You could be the next Katy Perry! You could be the next Justin Bieber! Really? Why Can't I be the first Jody McPhearson? I can hear the collective grumbling now. "Jody, you know what I mean!" "I am simply attempting to encourage little Timmy or Mary to be her best." By being the next someone else? C'mon now!

Our young people are unique individuals. THey have qualities and characteristics specific to only them. They are each made for a specific purpose. If we tell them that they can be the next someone else, aren't we telling them that they are not good enough as themselves? More grumbling? Not so fast. Let's take a closer look at this.

This is not about scolding anyone. This is what we like to call "a teachable moment". That's right, I said it. This is a "teachable moment" for America.

When we say you can be the next... We are sharing our values with our young people. We are saying I value that person and you should too. So what happens when that person falls, or fails? Do we go back and explain that the person has made what we would consider an ethical mistake and we do not value that particular quality? Or do we just speak death into the lives of our young people?

You know how! We say things like, "That girl is a mess!" That is one of the nicer things that I hear adults say. (I won't mention some of the others as this is meant to be a family blog.) What our young people actually hear is that you wanted them to be like that person. You wanted them to be the next, that person. But then that person did something that you deemed inappropriate and you no longer like them. So, they make the assumption that if and when they make a mistake that you will no longer like them either. They will no longer be good enough!

"Photo Credit Mariell Lindland"

Maybe we should say, "I admire that quality in so and so and I see a similar quality in you."

When we say that young people can be the next him or her, we hope that somehow they will only pick up on the good qualities.  But, that is not the way it works. Our young people want to please us and they hone in on the fullness of that person. They begin to walk like them, and talk like them, act like them, they even begin to dress like them. So be careful when you call that celebrity a slut, that you are not telling your young person that she is a slut.

Maybe instead of telling them that they can be the next him or her, we encourage them to be the first themselves. And we can just model the behavior that we want them to emulate. We can change the world and be their role models. Volunteer with a local organization, hold a door open for women, don't just attend church, be the church. Instead of saying You are not a good enough you, let them know that they are good enough. How about we just become better at being us! Maybe it is you that is not a good enough YOU!

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
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Refund Your Blessings

Are you nice even when you do not feel like it? That was the question I asked after the store manager handed my money back.

I had run into the Wal-Mart to get a refund for an item that was not properly working, and after 15 minutes of back and forth, I was faced with a disgruntled manager. I nicely asked if I could talk to another manager about the refund and a separate manager came to the desk. As I explained the situation again to the second manager, it seemed we were heading down the same road. As we talked I wondered if I would get my money back.

Moments later, the manager said “By now, customers are usually irate and yelling, but you’ve been patient.” Then he said, “Let’s try something else.” He asked a few questions and started punching numbers into the cash register. After a short delay, and stories about irate customers, the machine produced a receipt with my refund.

The manager went on to tell me the reason the first manager was being so difficult is because a group of high school students were observing customer interactions from a local high school. The kids were in a room, inside the Wal-Mart watching the live footage.

As I was leaving the store, one of the young students came out to thank me for the way I handled myself. He told me I was the only customer who did not get mad or say anything mean to the managers. He told me he learned a valuable lesson from the observation of my refund. Although my refund was small in price, the lesson was priceless in the eyes of a group of young people.

We never know when young people are observing us so it is best that we be consistent examples of how they should be when they grow up.

This was a perfect opportunity for me to discourage a room of students without realizing the harm I could have put on our community. Simply because I kept a level head and displayed positive character, young people were encouraged to be nice even when you feel like going straight off on someone else. Am I always this calm? Absolutely not! I just wanted YOU to see how you can impact our youth with your day to day interactions with others. Their eyes and ears are always open.

The next time you are in a store or simply out in public, what lesson are you teaching the class of students who may be observing you? Just know that every single day, you are a teacher and young people are watching you and learning from your actions. I challenge you to always, REFUND YOUR BLESSINGS.


Travis Hardin

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 "Photo Credit: Howard McWilliam"

Don't Be A Such A Coward

Coward: A person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.
How do we expect students to be courageous when they see us act like cowards? Why would they stand up to bullies when we don't? Why should they care if their classmates are hungry, or homeless, or depressed, when we don't?

If we tell them that winning is more important than reporting the abuse of a child how do we expect them to behave? If they only see us not wanting to get involved, they won't get involved either.

You say that wasn't you. You never acted like a coward. You never did these things. 

What about the time you saw that student wearing the same clothing for three days and did nothing to stop the teasing. You never even asked if everything was alright. And let's not forget the time when you overheard the young people "jonesing" on the little "nerd" and you laughed along with them.


When we allow others or even ourselves to be pushed around, abused, mistreated, we are telling the next generation that it is okay. It's alright to lack courage. Change takes courage! If we are unhappy with our world, our community, then we must have the courage to change it. If we exhibit courage, then so will they.

Courage is the ability to do something that frightens oneself.  It is acting on one’s beliefs despite danger or disapproval.Courage originates from the word heart. Love comes from the heart! So it is safe to say that courage takes love. Love for others. That is a message worth sharing. Tell others, tell students.

Don't Be A Coward!

Jody McPhearson

Impacting Communities, Encouraging leaders, Inspiring Hope

http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/jody_mcphearson.php

It’s None of Your Business

“It’s none of your business!”


Thinking back to when you were younger, how many times did you hear a grown use this expression? I think I heard it a thousand times…. in 6 months. I would hear it and then try to find out from somewhere else. Fortunately for me, I never did run into the wrong situation while asking. Not all young people will be so lucky.

As tomorrow’s leaders, our young people need to know their thoughts and opinions matter. We cannot “close the door” on them whenever they come to us. It is as easy as opening a door or slamming it shut.

If opening a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "What do you think?"
• "Would you like to share more about that?"
• "That's an excellent question."
• "I don't know, but I'll find out"
• "I'm interested in what you are thinking or saying."
• "Do you know what that means?"
• "That sounds important to you."
• "Would you like to talk about it?"

If closing a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "You’re too young to understand."
• "If you say that again, I'll..."
• "That's none of your business."
• "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
• "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
• "That's just for boys/girls"
• "Why are you asking me that?"
• "You don't need to know about that."
• "Don't come to me if you mess up."

We need to encourage, not discourage.

Are you an “OPENER” or are you a “CLOSER?”


Travis Hardin

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Let 'Em Fight

I can’t tell you how many times that I hear parents complain about how materialistic their children are. I will admit that it does seem that way sometimes. According to a study described in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the generation of young Americans born after 1982, shows an increasing trend of valuing money, image, and fame more than inherent principles like self-acceptance, affiliation, and community. It calls the generation, “Generation Me”.  

He is my question…Why? Why do we see young people as selfish? Are we to blame?

I often hear parents say that they want their children to have things better than what they had growing up. Does that mean that they should give them everything? Do they think their children are going to be better off because they get everything their hearts desire?  Or, are we creating our own problem?

Wait a minute; I thought we were talking about fighting! We are. Here is the deal. We want well rounded young people who care about their community and grow up to make the world a better place. Why would they fight to make the world a better place when their world is the best place? They won’t!

When young people are so into material things, they begin to identify themselves by what they have. When you spend all of your time identifying with what you have and what others have, there is no time left to think about what others lack.

In order for our young people to fight for something, we can't give them everything. Let ‘Em Fight!

Jody McPhearson

Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope

http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/jody_mcphearson.php

I fought a teenager...How embarrassing!

How will my peers respond when they learn I had a fight with a 17 year old young man? How could I allow my emotions to get the best of me? I should have known better. Let me explain this unfortunate incident.

It was a 112 degree day in June of this year (2012). I was on my way to grab lunch when I decided to go inside a downtown Phoenix restaurant for a meal. I was in no rush as the sweltering heat was keeping the pace of everyone to a crawl. My thought was “This will be quick as there are no lines in any of the restaurants and not many people walking around downtown because of the heat.”

I approached the counter of the restaurant to place my order and had been looking up at the menu for 30-45 seconds when I looked down to see a young man standing next to me with his pants hanging halfway down his legs. I thought to myself, “He needs a belt, this is a little much.” Only to observe he had a belt on.

I then thought, “I will leave it alone because if I say something, he may take it the wrong way and react like a typical teenager.” When I say typical, I mean disrespectfully reply to my question regardless of how polite I speak to him. All of this going on in my head and the young man was simply preparing to place his order just as I was.

I looked down again and realized I had to say something no matter the outcome because there were people all over the restaurant staring and making comments regarding the young man’s pants. I had the worst outcome made up in my mind before speaking. It ran across my mind, “If this young man takes a swing at me I will have to physically respond to his threat against me.”

I said hello to the young man and he responded with a very polite “How are you sir.” I acknowledged with a smile and said I am fine but was wondering why in the world he was showing me his rear end below the shirt.

He responded with a child-like laugh and told me it was just the way his pants fit. I told him how much of a distraction it was as people were trying to eat and his pants were noticeably hanging too low below his waist. He smiled and said immediately “I will pull them up and tighten my belt.” He then went on to thank me for respecting him and asking nicely for him to pull his pants up…… WOW! Not the outcome I had in mind

I thought to myself, “That’s it! All I had to do was politely ask for him to pull up his pants?” I had already played multiple scenarios in my head as to the outcome of asking him to pull up his pants and he nicely pulled them up without hesitation.

How often do you refrain from speaking to our younger generation for fear of their disrespectful response? All it took was for me to SAY SOMETHING. I actually sat down and had lunch with the young man and he shared with me his thoughts and ideas about his future. He wanted to go to college. He had dreams of a family. He aspired to be the best father he could be once he was ready to have kids….. And I had in my mind we would be fighting in the restaurant. Boy did this young man bless me on this day.

I ask you to simply take the time to STAND UP and SAY SOMETHING the next time you are in this position. You may be able to destroy some personal stereotypes you have of our younger generation and be blessed like I was. There are some disrespectful youth and adults out there but if we give respect, it typically comes back in return.

Travis Hardin 
Pay it forward