BULLYING EFFECTS & CONSEQUENCES AS A VICTIM

During a recent trip to Tennessee to visit family, I was constantly reminded of how bullying remains in the lives of youth. On my flight back, I talked with a few people on board who shared their negative experiences with bullying. I advised we would continue to voice this challenge as we try to engage all youth in Character Building, Career Development and Community Involvement.

For children/youth that are or have been victimized by bullies, there are usually serious impacts on their lives and development. Negative health consequences of bullying can generally be classified under four categories:

• Low Psychological Well-being

• Poor Social Adjustment

• Psychological Distress

• Physically Ill-health

Such harmful effects can be both short-term as well as long-term:

Short-term Effects

Drop in grades to poor school attendance: Victims of bullying typically start to lose interest in school work, and may even avoid going to school, for fear of being bullied. As they spend an increasing amount of time thinking of ways to evade the trauma, they have less energy left for learning, thus their academic results suffer. That would in turn lead to more pressure and shame.

Loneliness and poor social relationships: Victimization is related to immediate effects such as loneliness, anxiety and a low sense of self-worth too. Besides that, those bullied usually have few friends, and their friendships are often of poor quality.

Physical ill-health: Physical ill-health symptoms can occur as well such as headaches, mouth-sores etc. Such health problems take place as constantly resisting and fearing the bully taxes the mental and physical defenses, causing the body system to break down.

Long-term Effects

Lowered self-esteem and depression: Bullying victims generally suffer from lower self-esteem, and a greater susceptibility to depression in the long run as compared to their non-victimized counterparts. Research has shown that there is “a causal link between peer victimization and low levels of well-being”.

Suicide: Apart from that, there had been several cases of “bullycide”, whereby victims commit suicide because of frequent bullying.

Self-harm: Many victims may choose to suffer in silence, or inflict pain upon themselves.

Revenge leading to violent juvenile behavior: Some victims may strike back in vengeance. The latter may consequently display violent juvenile behavior.

Due to the many damaging consequences of bullying, the victims are often trapped in a vicious cycle of continued victimization. Hence proper measures to prevent and to deal with the issue ought to be implemented. Social support is vital too, for the lack of it can contribute significantly to poor mental health among victims as well.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

YOUTH CAN BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Members of ASU football team @ Andre House

As we finish this 4 part series, we want to concentrate on our youth and their feelings towards being taken seriously. Teens and young adult constantly talk to The Re-De-Fined Project and say they feel as though their thoughts and ideas are not taken seriously. They are told they are too young or they haven’t lived long enough. Are they too young or are some adults being immature and disregarding great ideas and thoughts? The following is an exact post from an unidentified teen:

I feel like nobody ever cares for what I think not even my parents no matter what I say it´s just not gonna be acknowledged even if it`s true , I should probably mention that I’m not very good at socializing for some reason I get really shy around new people it’s worse with girls much worse.( I go on silent mode when I’m on a date , I’m really good on the phone though) I spent my high school years as that guy who never speaks(I’m not Goth or anything) and of course I became that weird guy that everybody ignores. As an adult I really need to deal with this cause its making my life difficult, because I feel like I’m not good at anything and it doesn’t help to have a criticizing family who don’t understand. I’m the nice guy who allays is gonna be used or taken advantage of and I’m sick of it, everybody is like taking shots at me. What should I do?

I believe that youth being taken seriously by adults is a collaborative effort from both groups. Youth can be taken more seriously by adults simply by communicating professionally their ideas and viewpoints. And for the adults, they should be able to appreciate great work and efforts from anyone regardless of their age. As time passes it will be these same young people running businesses and making decisions we currently make today.

 

The Re-De-Fined Project volunteers

Here are steps to help teens, young adults and adults to get people to take you seriously:

- Your behavior. More than anything else, it's the things you do that cause others to see you in a certain way. If you fool around all the time at school/work, other people are likely to see you as someone that either can't be trusted or you are always looking for attention even at the expense of your dignity. If you want to be taken seriously, stop acting irresponsible.

- Your words. Second in line behind your actions, are the words you speak. If you are brash and/or obnoxious, people will tend to see you as a jokester. If you lie all the time, no one will believe a word you say. If you make up stories to embellish your image, people will see through you. If you want to be taken serious, consider what you say before you say it, and don't say things that others will ridicule. People generally view more seriously people who only speak when they have something to say.

- At home. To be taken seriously by your parents/family, you need to behave in responsible ways. Do your share, learn to do things properly so you don't mess up or break things. Don't make promises and then break them. Be there when others need you and base your decisions on what is best for everyone in the family, not just you.

- Your attitude. Stop hanging around with people who do nothing but talk negative stuff. We can't afford to do this when our goal is to become more positive. The negative people in our life aren't going to like it when we stop participating in negativity. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.

- Confidence. People like and follow confident people. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to be someone others see as confident. Modesty and confidence work exceptionally well together in the battle against arrogance. To be considered confident without arrogance, act with humility and be accountable for your actions.

- Think before you speak. Time and time again, you see people saying things that had they taken a moment before opening their mouth, would have chosen to do otherwise. To be taken seriously, you need to consider your words and how others might receive them. If you take a moment before speaking, you reduce the risk of saying something stupid, which of course causes others to take you seriously.

-Humility. One of the things that separate those who are taken seriously, from those who are not, is humility or being humble. People don't take loud mouths seriously, nor do they look favorably on those who make excuses all the time for their mistakes. Responsible people accept the repercussions of their actions and don't try to hog attention or praise.

We want to be sure and give our youth and young adults the best opportunity to succeed without pushing them along without proper training. Help The Re-De-Fined Project in the area of giving our youth and young adults a voice. You remember what it was like to be brushed off because you were young. Let’s not crush the dreams of tomorrow’s leaders. We dare you to try assisting youth with their visions and inspirations. You may just learn more than you thought.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

FRIENDSHIP IS KEY

By Travis Hardin

An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project




Rehtaeh Parsons



Steubenville Rape Case



 

Friendships between teens and their friends are not always positive. When a teen gets involved with the wrong crowd, he or she is typically easily influenced. Teens may end up doing something they normally would not do. After repeatedly making the wrong choices and hanging out in a negative environment, it may be hard to break the cycle. These types of friendships can have a negative effect on things such as:

• Home life
• Schoolwork
• Grades
• Family relationships
• Attitudes
• Decision-making skills

At The Re-De-Fined Project, we understand how important peer relationships are. We want to be sure we continue to get the concerns and challenges of our youth to those of you reading. Peer relationships are very important to teens. 1) Friendships provide teens with opportunities to develop conflict resolution skills. Teens can learn how to end a fight and still remain friends. 2) Friends provide fun and excitement for teens through companionship and recreation. 3) Friends also give advice to one another. Teens talk through lots of issues and problems with their friends. 4) Loyalty is a valued trait in friendship. Teens are looking for loyal allies that can help them out at school or in their own neighborhood. 5) Friendships also provide stability during times of stress or transition. It is helpful to teens to have a friend who is going through the same situations and can ease the anxieties of the times.

What happens when youth don't have friends? Teens without friends tend to be more lonely and unhappy. They tend to have lower levels of academic achievement and lower self esteem. As they get older, they are more apt to drop out of school and to get involved in delinquent activities.

Friendships change as youth move into their teen years.

• Teens tend to spend more time with their peers.
• They are also more mobile than when younger so more time is spent with peers without parental supervision.
• During the teen years, there will be increased contact with opposite-sex peers.
• In the early teen years, often small groups of friends or cliques are formed which help to boost their confidence and give them a sense of identity.
• Another feature of the teen years is the emergence of crowds. These are large groups of teens who gather together because they have characteristics that identify them with a particular crowd. Teens use crowds to figure out who to associate with. Crowds help teens sort peers into groups of people they would like to spend time with and those they wouldn't. Through crowds and cliques, teens show other people who they are.

 

All in all, the teenage years can be fun and productive. Your involvement in your teen's life will to a large extent determine their future success. And understanding teen friendships and knowing what to expect as your teens become more independent and interdependent with their friends is an important part of the process.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

A SUMMER FULL OF FUN

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

I want to begin this post with a huge hello to those students of SHPE (Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers. We spoke to this awesome group of aspiring engineers on Saturday April 6, 2013 at Arizona State University and we had FUN. For those of you from SHPE reading this blog, we look forward to hearing from you as you walk out the 3 C’s……

I believe many of my friends experimented with drugs and threw parties because they were simply bored. There was nothing better to do so we created our own FUN that our parents would not have approved of. We would “up the ante” during the every weekend boring activities (watching movies, BBQ at a friend’s) so they were more exciting (hook-up and watch a movie, play drinking games at the BBQ).

I truly understand, even if you provide enough FUN activities for 52 weekends, teens will still find ways to drink, do drugs and have sex if they really want to. However, I do believe by helping create activities you are:

a) Showing them you care

b) Showing them you pay attention, so if they try anything you will probably find out

c) Allowing less opportunity for them to be bored and create questionable activities out of boredom

Planning alternative activities can be important yet, there is no need to do it all yourself. I believe it is a great idea to get together with a group of parents from school, or all of your child’s friend’s parents and comprise a “committee like” group to plan something each weekend and take turns carpooling, cooking and hosting. That way you are not responsible for everything and all the parents can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior together. Here are a few suggestions for activities parents can create, provide, and encourage so teens have less opportunity to come up with their own.

- Paintball/Mini-Golf/Laser tag: Teens love doing these kinds of activities; they can be co-ed and not that much money for a few hours of FUN (not to mention physical activity)

- Comedy Clubs: There are a lot of improv clubs, comedy clubs or even coffee shops that have stand-up that allow all ages. This can be a FUN weekend night for teens. You could also ask in advance to use a local coffee shop for the teens to do their own stand-up one night and they will all buy coffee and bring friends as an incentive to the owner

- Plan a Themed Party: No, I do not mean plan a themed party in the 4th grade sense. Be willing to open up your house have a party that will appeal to teens: a 90′s movie marathon and include dinner, fondue, pop-culture trivia night, pool party and BBQ, Taboo, Sequence etc

- Dinner and a Show: Do some research to locate places that offer dinner and then some sort of entertainment like Medieval Times where they have food and then a joust show.

- Celebrate a Holiday (no matter how minor): My mom and dad were “community parents” with lots of patience and enjoyed having friends over. We often had Super bowl parties or Halloween gatherings, where they would come up with games and prepare lots of food. It definitely kept us away from those “parents-are-away-for-the-weekend” parties happening around town.

- Game room: I had a friend whose parents had tons of board games, a ping pong table, air-hockey table, pinball machine and a foosball table. This was a lot of FUN; it was great when it was just boys, but also a great way to spend time with the opposite sex when girls came over to visit his sister.  You might consider some video game systems like a Wii with lots of controllers.

These are just a few ideas. There are plenty of ideas around your city and community; you simply have to be creative. Our youth need to have FUN and know that adults are encouraging the FUN so they do not have to sneak around and find things that could prove to be 1 huge mistake. Here at The Re-De-Fined Project we welcome all ideas from youth and create ways in which we can involve young men and women of all ages. We will continue to do our part, we are simply asking for you to join in the FUN and engage with today’s youth. We promise you will have lots of laughs.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

THE BULLY, THE BYSTANDER, THE BRAVE, CHOOSE ONE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

You have to choose a role!

In the case of bullying, there is always attention given to the person that is being bullied. In most cases we rarely, if ever, hear of the person that commits the act of bullying, i.e the BULLY. There is another person that is almost certain to be there that is never mentioned...the BYSTANDER. That's right, the BYSTANDER! Are you a BYSTANDER?

According to a University of Washington report on bullying , about 85% of bullying incidents have bystanders. The report by Craig and Pepler, Making a Difference in Bullying, states that bullying usually stops within 5 seconds when there is someone BRAVE enough to intervene. 5 SECONDS!!!
Watching is just as bad as doing the bullying yourself! Don't laugh because someone is being teased. To you it is teasing, to them it might be torture!

Some believe that we should just allow teens to work these things out on their own. The problem with that is often times the solution is final. Teen suicide is on the rise in our country, in case you have not been paying attention. Bullying is a major part of this problem! In addition to being a factor in teen suicide, bullying is also a huge factor in students bringing weapons to school. In fact, bullying affects everything at school, from grades to relationships.


Which role do you choose?

The Bully?

The BYSTANDER?

The BRAVE?

Time is up? What's your choice?

KEYS TO HIGH SCHOOL SUCCESS

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

1. Successful High School Students Are Organized The successful high school student's papers may be all over the place right now, but chances are that they have dated them and put on a heading that will help easily identify the paper when they’re ready to organize. A successful high school student should also have a place where they can keep track of daily assignments, test dates, and other extracurricular activities.
2. Successful High School Students Ask Questions
Questions to clarify assignments...Questions about difficult concepts...Questions about how the material applies to life...Questions about where to get more answers...And more, and more, and more questions. Successful high school students use questions to create an education that is customized to what they need in life.
3. Successful High School Students Have Support
Whether it is a parent, another trusted adult, or a friend that is a phone call away, successful high school students have someone they can turn to when they need help with an assignment or just need someone to talk to about the stresses of school life.
4. Successful High School Students Focus on Learning, Not Grades
At the end of a homework assignment or study session, a highly successful high school student feels that he or she is successful if they understand the material. If the end goal of studying is solely to achieve a good grade the information is less likely to be obtained.
5. Successful High School Students Read Independently
School doesn't teach everything you need to know. The most successful students read additional material, at least 30 minutes a day. Any type of reading works, whether it is a novel for fun, the articles in their favorite magazine, or an online news site.
6. Successful High School Students Are Well-Mannered
Polite people get things done and win allies for the long term in their high school career and in life. From help on homework, to getting a letter of recommendation, to getting a foot in the door for a future career, successful high school students know that their good manners now will have people lining up to help them later on down the road.
7. Successful High School Students Have Fun in School
There's more to school than class, homework, and lunch. The most successful high school students are involved a few extracurricular-activities, including clubs, sports, community service, and student government.

At the end of the day, students who are involved in more than just what is asked of them trend to be more successful. We here at The Re-De-Fined Project encourage our youth to do more and for the adults to require much more. It begins with you.


Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

LAZY WORK ETHIC IN YOUTH ALLOWED BY SOCIETY

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Teaching your kids work ethics is not a last minute chore. If your kids have reached their Teenage years without having had a single chore in their lives or a single responsibility you have done them a great injustice.

More and more modern parents falsely believe that children should not be burdened with the everyday requirements we all must face. American society is trying to convince us that children would fall apart if we should put any sort of real life pressures on them. Holding our children and teenagers responsible for their own actions, expecting them to work for what they want and teaching them that money does indeed not grow on trees is looked upon as cruel and unusual punishment by some. In certain states, tests have been taken out of schools, since they are afraid that we may stunt the mental growth of some of the less talented students. We wouldn't want to force anyone to think now would we; they may hurt themselves.

Chores, something that were once upon a time a normal thing in a family now seems to be looked upon like a dinosaur, a thing of the past we only marvel at in fear and astonishment by too many youngsters. Parents have taken to "paying" them off with free money to get them out of the house and from under their feet. Excuses like, they will have to work enough when they get older, are not only harmful to a young person's future but are also poor excuses for parents. In case I don't make myself clear with this statement, allow me to phrase it in the following way. Those types of parents would rather hand their children money than to be obligated to spend time with them and actually teach them some life lessons.

How can we, the adults, teach our offspring lessons that are so very important? Simply by giving them chores, jobs and responsibilities. Sit back for a second and think on some of the work you had to perform as a young child and how it helped you become who you are today. If you are a young man or lady who has a great work ethic, I applaud you however, I encourage you to grab another youngster under the age of 18 and tell them to stop expecting everything without work because at some point, the world will no longer be about them. It starts with you!
 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

"HOWEVER"...A LESSON LEARNED FROM LANCE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

 

It has been a rough couple of weeks for Lance Armstrong. My goal is not to pile on to it. Rather, my desire is to learn from it. So this is about what I learned from Lance. I call it "The lesson of However".

 

Let me begin by saying that I admire the fact that he has overcome. It is a well known fact that the doctors gave him a 50/50 chance of survival from stage 4 testicular cancer. In case you have been living under a rock, he beat it! I am equally appreciative of the fact that LiveStrong has been able to raise over $470 million dollars since 1997, according to their website. You see, my mother is a long time survivor of breast cancer.

If you are awaiting the big but, there is no but. You see, but cancels out everything that came before it, and there is no way that I can cancel out the healing of a man's cancer. there is no way I can cancel out the work that the Livestrong foundation has done. So there is no but!

However...There is an extremely big HOWEVER! (You see, however in the simplest terms means contradiction.) Sorry, you probably knew that. HOWEVER...

“This really is a story bigger than Lance,’’ Scott Mercier, Lance's ex-teammate, said. “It’s bigger than cycling. It really goes to the core of (the fact that) ethics matter, (and) doing things the right way matter. It seems whether it’s business, academics, politics, I think the country is fed up. Hopefully we’re seeing a cultural shift that how you do things is more important than the result.’’ You can read the story here

Is this a novel idea? That way we do things is more important than just the results? Is that the voice of the minority? Aren't we yet at the point where character, ethics, and morals are the most important qualities that we instill into our children?

That's the HOWEVER! Even if an athlete wins the Tour De France seven times, character counts. Even if an athlete is the youngest player to score 20,000 points playing basketball, there is a right way to treat people. Even if a recording artist is named the most successful R&B artist of the last 25 years by Billboard, morals count. Even if you are one of the highest paid "reality stars", how you got there is just as important.

If not, there will always be a HOWEVER next to your name!

Isn't this really the lesson that we should be sharing here? Isn't this what Lance has taught us? I believe that this is what's called a teachable moment!  Tonight grab your children and tell them the cautionary tale of HOWEVER.



PRESIDENTIAL STATE OF MIND

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

As Barack Hussein Obama is sworn in as president today for his second term, I can’t help but to think about the mindset of our youth who do not even know the power of potential that lies within each and every one of them.

I spoke to a young man from a local high school last week and he was comfortable saying he had failed 2 classes in the first semester. I told him that was unacceptable and shared reasons why it was unacceptable. His demeanor became defensive as he questioned why I cared. I told him he has everything inside of him needed to become anything he wanted. I told him he needed to push himself harder and strive for A’s and not simply settling for C’s, D’s, and F’s.

Once we discussed his future plans, family, and dreams he told me no one has ever taken the time to explain the consequences of bad grades in the future. He then started asking me questions about my career and family. I told him he needs to have a “Presidential state of mind.” As long as he could think it, the possibility of it coming true was within reach. He could be president of a company, an organization or of these United States. If we do not think it we will never be able to do it.

For every young person reading this post, I hope you not only watched the inauguration of President Obama, but you saw yourself being sworn into a top position in a field of your desire. It doesn’t start when you get older; it starts right now while you are in school and learning what it means to separate yourself from the rest. You must stand out and do the things now, which no one else in your class and/or school is doing. I dare you to start by looking in the mirror and ask if you are doing ALL you can to be the best.

For all the dysfunction that our country is exhibiting at the moment, Dr. King reminds us that the time is always ripe to do right. We should never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person is at stake.

"Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way." ~ Tavis Smiley

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

PEOPLE PROTECT WHAT THEY VALUE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

Last year in Chicago, 532 people were murdered! 532!!!!!!! This year they are already on pace for well over 700!!!!!!!!!!! There have been 21 homicides in Chicago since the start of 2013. At least 15 of the victims were shot to death, and more than half were under the age of 30. These may not be teens, but they are not far removed.

As we deal with the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary, I can not help but think of all of our young people who are dying due to gun violence in our communities. We look at that tragedy and are distraught as a nation because they were so young. In cities like Chicago, 'young people are often targets. In the school year that ended in June 2012, 319 Chicago public school students were shot, 24 of them fatally.' - Washington Post - Where is the outrage over these numbers?

Why have we not been affected by these 532 like we were these 27 in Connecticut? Is it because we have been able to demonize the shooters because of believed and often times real gang affiliations? Is it because we do not want to be reminded of those living in poverty in our own neighborhoods? After all, it is much easier to be fed up with what is happening in Africa than our own backyards.

Here is the point of my outburst. These are our children! They are human beings. They are individuals whose lives carry value. Things that carry value are typically treasured. Even when that thing that carries value is tarnished , we are willing to put in the effort to clean it up in an effort for it to express the true value. Things that carry value are often locked away and protected at all costs. People would often rather die than to give up their valuables.

I highlight Chicago because of the sheer mass numbers, however the problem is not an isolated one. It affects us all. In every community our children are being attacked and taken away. What are we going to do about it?

Protect that which is most valuable to you!

photo credit

THE JOY OF GIVING

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

It's almost Christmas time! Are you as excited as we are here? Let me say that some of my best memories are centered around Christmas time. However, it seems that over the last several years, Christmas has become all about getting. Have you noticed that? Kids list get longer and longer. The items get more and more expensive. Even adults seem to be all about the presents. What happened to the Joy of Giving?

Years ago, when our son was in middle school, we began a tradition of giving. Anytime he got two new shirts, he would have to give two shirts away. He would have to research the local charity, or select a family, as together we would go to donate the clothing. On year, as Christmas approached, it dawned on me that there was an opportunity to do the same with Christmas. However, this time, we would go through his closet and toys prior to the holiday and get rid of items that did not fit, that he no longer played with, wore, or just didn't use anymore.  We found great joy in giving as a family.

If more families incorporated some sort of charity into their holidays, I believe that the joy of giving would make our communities better. Many families that have small children and need help with Christmas items would be overjoyed to receive a gift from friends and neighbors. The holidays are some of the fondest memories for many people. It would be a tragedy if those happy memories were to be replaced by sadness and depression due to these economic times!

As we go about celebrating the holidays, let us make certain to keep our neighbors in mind. Let us be  do more than just wave a happy holidays, and check off our excessive Christmas list for ourselves. 

Let us look to programs such as the Buckeye Outreach for Social Services' "Joy of Giving". They are accepting  donations of toys, jackets, blankets, household items and non-perishable food to help local Buckeye families this holiday season.  Literally, they are bringing back the Joy of Giving, and we want to be apart of it!

So, for our part, we will be there to donate and volunteer.  We hope that you join us as we welcome back, the "Joy of Giving"!

3 KEYS TO LEADERSHIP

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

One of the joys of being a Communication Consultant and Team Member Network Co Chair is that I sit on executive leadership teams. This mostly means that I spend a large amount of my time in meetings trying to effectively move business and others forward. But it also means that many of those meetings are led by leaders and mentors of our community!
Recently, one of the leaders shared what they consider to be the 3 most important skills of a leader. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them talk about this before, and I don’t think it is written down anywhere. And, I’m sure I’ll shortchange some of their brilliance by trying to pass it along…but it was so good, I have to try:

- The ability to clearly articulate the present reality
- The ability to visualize the future

- The ability to be self-aware

It was the TEAM’s opinion that the easiest skill of these three is the ability to visualize the future. Anybody can have a vision of the future! You really don’t have to be a leader to visualize the future, but you can’t be a leader if you don’t.

It was the TEAM’s opinion that the toughest skill is the ability for a leader to be self-aware. Because leaders are good at a few things, they assume they are good at everything. Many leaders often lack the ability to recognize where they actually get in the way, causing bottlenecks to progress and productivity from fruitfully occurring.

Questions for you to ponder:

- What is the CURRENT reality of your leadership/mentor ability? What are your strengths, weaknesses, barriers to growth, perception amongst teens and adults? Is it a safe place for students? How healthy is your volunteerism? Do YOU believe in YOU?

- What’s your vision for the future? Have you dreamed any big dreams lately? Have you had a “God Idea” recently (an idea so big that only God could make it happen)?

- When is the last time you looked in the mirror? What are your weaknesses as a leader? What do you insist on holding onto that may actually be holding your ability to be an effective leader at a standstill? Have you truly tried to identify some of your blind spots?

I challenge you to consider these 3 keys and ask yourself, “Am I really being effective in the life of a young person?” If you are honest with yourself, your answer just may be NO. Let’s work together and make sure we pass these keys onto our youth. They will thank you later.

The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change, the way I see it, is service to a fellow human being. – Lee Iacocca

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

TERRIBLE ROLE MODELS...WHAT WE'VE TAUGHT OUR YOUTH

By Jody McPhearson

An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

 



Over the last few month's I have spoken with young adults who would be voting for the very first time in their lives in this past election. I must admit, many were not excited. I asked why and begin to get typical 18 year old answers such as, "I don't really know any of these people", "My vote won't matter", and my favorite, "Who cares?".
I began to wonder if what were the underlying reasons. I would continue to speak to these young people, pressing upon them the importance of voting. I also began to really focus on the election, listening to the candidates, watching campaign commercials, and listening to many very opinionated supporters.
I began to realize that these young people felt negatively about voting because of the way we behave. We are worst than over enthusiastic, drunken, belligerent sports fans cheering for our team versus our archenemies. We not only support "our" candidate, we root for death, (in many cases literally death), of the opponent. Is this how to engage young people in politics?
If that were not bad enough, after the election is over, just like in sports, we start in with all of the excuses as to why our team lost, then we blame others, then we began to tear down the other team, and belittle their victory. The biggest difference between the sports fan and the political supporter is that the sports fan eventually moves on to the next game or the next team whilst the political supporter began to spew hateful language and set traps and roadblocks to ensure failure of the opposed candidate. This is the most asinine action that I can think of! If the leader of our country fails, we all fail! If our candidate had the answers and lost, if our candidate is the man/woman that we believed in, one with integrity, honor, and a desire to get our country back on track, I would expect to see such candidate sitting at the table and helping to create and implement solutions. That means that he/she will not function like John McCain and Sarah Palin and continue to spew venom and attempt to undermine the presidential office.
I never intended for this blog to be a rant, however, I am disgusted with the behavior of many of my fellow Americans both pre and post election. And so are our young people!

STOP BEING SUCH A TERRIBLE ROLE MODEL!

Photo Courtesy of MileyCyrus.com

FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Too often we as adults focus on obtaining a desired result and expect our youth to win or overcome.  We end up getting disappointed because they cannot deliver or make the simple decisions that are required to be competitive on the field of life. Our attention is on the end result, rather than on preparing our youth to execute during their performances. Execution starts on the practice field and only after numerous hours of proper practice and hard work will it be carried on to real life situations. 

One of the common denominators upon successful performers or athletes is 10,000 hours of practice (perfect practice). Thus, to be successful at anything, it requires hard work, dedication, determination and discipline.  
On the same token, we expect our youth to hit singles, doubles, triples, or even homeruns when facing the challenges of life. Instead of focusing on the end result, we should teach our youth to focus on executing a perfect swing and fielding a ground ball, catching a fly ball, or delivering a pitch fundamentally correct. Youth need to understand that there are things that he/she cannot control, like getting a hit. A baseball player has no control on what happens after he executes on his swing and hits a line drive. The other team might make a great play and make the out, but the important thing is that the player executed correctly and not that he did not get a hit. As it is in life, we need to encourage youth even when they fail at something after putting in the hard work to complete the task.

I have seen many instances where a player hits a hard line drive and somehow gets put out. Then goes back to the dugout with his head down or even sometimes takes his helmet off and throws it on the ground. This is mainly as a result of coaches or parents expecting their kids to get a hit, rather than expecting them to hit the ball with proper form.  Help the players focus on execution rather than results, on what they can control rather than what they cannot control.  Praise them for hitting the ball, not just when they get a hit.

Winning is a result of hard work, dedication, determination and discipline. Focus on the latter four and winning will take care of itself. This is why I don’t like to talk about winning during speeches or instructional work. We focus on what we have control of; like working hard, getting our perfect repetitions and developing mental toughness.

As I sat and watched game 3 of the World Series between the San Francisco Giants and Detroit Tigers, I could not help but to wrap this latest message into baseball terminology. The hits in the game of baseball are just like the everyday successes our youth see but are not given recognition for. We only celebrate them when it is a large accomplishment (home run). Let’s get back to basics by teaching and coaching morals and values. No matter what the score is in life, if our youth are given the proper strategies during the critical learning phase, ages 10 – 18, we will minimize their thirst to want to follow the “In Crowd.” We have all been there where we see something that really isn’t there. Love at 16 felt like it was going to be marriage and life happily ever after. Only to mature and learn that we didn’t know what love was until we endured hurts, pains, ups and downs. Just like the last out of every World Series recorded in history, win or lose, spring training will return in March. Help us to keep the basics of morals and values in our youth. Celebrate them for the work and efforts they are putting into their service. Life is not always about winning. Some of my losses have been much more valuable than the wins. I am sure you can go back in your past and think of some things or people you drifted apart from which felt like a tremendous loss at the time, only to mature and learn, you would not be where you are had you stuck around that negative thing or person. Let’s embrace the fundamentals.

“GIVING” Begins at a young age

I was recently asked by a coworker, why I give to my community as often as I do. I thought about it for a brief moment and responded with “My today is a result of GIVING when I was younger.” I saw my father give of his time when I was young and it always had a huge impact in the lives of those he helped. The key is, teaching our youth to give when they are young.

It can be tough to teach children the value of giving in a society when they're surrounded by messages about the value of getting. Here are five ways to start:

Start small when the kids are small.

Youth might be happy to help bake cookies for a friend but end up wanting to keep the gift themselves. An exercise for a young person would be baking enough cookies to keep and enough cookies to give. Young children need help in learning to share.

Teach your child that he doesn't need money to give.

Help your child make gift certificates good for "one free car wash" or "breakfast in bed" that he can give to a family member.

Involve your child in selecting the gift.

You may think that donating to cancer research is important, but your child who is an animal lover may be more interested in making sure the dogs at the humane society have an extra treat at the holidays. Help them find a way to give the gift they feel is important.

Be a role model.

Volunteer your family's time at a soup kitchen or senior center. Gather small-size toiletries, such as toothpaste and shampoo, and pack them in gift bags to take to a homeless shelter. Ask your child if they'll help you baby-sit for a neighbor's toddler so the neighbor can do some shopping or stop and help you bring groceries in for an elderly person who has returned home from the grocery store.

Personalize giving.

It's faster for busy parents to write a check to a charity, but it has little impact on a child who can't see where the money is going or imagine the people who benefit. Delivering canned goods to a food bank is more meaningful than dropping a check in the mail. Your family could "adopt" a needy family through a community organization, choose the gifts and wrap them.

Feeling too busy to organize an activity like this? Author Ellen Sabin has suggestions that can work for the most time-challenged parents. Sabin wrote The Giving Book: Open the Door to a Lifetime of Giving, an interactive workbook to help 6- to 11-year-olds discover the joy of giving and their power to make a difference. Sabin also offers free tools and guides for parents, teachers and religious educators to use with her book.

Sabin suggests having a family conversation about what you're thankful for. That will help your child realize that what she values may be missing in other people's lives.

Sabin also offers three activities to try. "These things don't take huge amounts of time. They just take a few moments of thoughtfulness."

• Start a tradition in which family members set aside one of their gifts to give to someone less fortunate.


• Think of someone without a family - a soldier, a distant relative, a friend in the hospital - and write a letter as a family to make the person feel loved and included during the holidays.


• Talk about beginning the New Year with a family giving box. Everyone can regularly add a small amount of money to the box to contribute to a group or cause the family agrees to support.

Giving gives children a sense of self-esteem and pride, says Sabin. "Giving is addictive. It gets in your blood. It makes you realize that you and your actions matter." I challenge you to GIVE today.

 

Travis Hardin,

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