In the case of bullying, there is always attention given to the person that is being bullied. In most cases we rarely, if ever, hear of the person that commits the act of bullying, i.e the BULLY. There is another person that is almost certain to be there that is never mentioned...the BYSTANDER. That's right, the BYSTANDER! Are you a BYSTANDER?
According to a University of Washington report on bullying , about 85% of bullying incidents have bystanders. The report by Craig and Pepler, Making a Difference in Bullying, states that bullying usually stops within 5 seconds when there is someone BRAVE enough to intervene. 5 SECONDS!!!
Watching is just as bad as doing the bullying yourself! Don't laugh because someone is being teased. To you it is teasing, to them it might be torture!
Some believe that we should just allow teens to work these things out on their own. The problem with that is often times the solution is final. Teen suicide is on the rise in our country, in case you have not been paying attention. Bullying is a major part of this problem! In addition to being a factor in teen suicide, bullying is also a huge factor in students bringing weapons to school. In fact, bullying affects everything at school, from grades to relationships.
It has been a rough couple of weeks for Lance Armstrong. My goal is not to pile on to it. Rather, my desire is to learn from it. So this is about what I learned from Lance. I call it "The lesson of However".
Let me begin by saying that I admire the fact that he has overcome. It is a well known fact that the doctors gave him a 50/50 chance of survival from stage 4 testicular cancer. In case you have been living under a rock, he beat it! I am equally appreciative of the fact that LiveStrong has been able to raise over $470 million dollars since 1997, according to their website. You see, my mother is a long time survivor of breast cancer.
If you are awaiting the big but, there is no but. You see, but cancels out everything that came before it, and there is no way that I can cancel out the healing of a man's cancer. there is no way I can cancel out the work that the Livestrong foundation has done. So there is no but!
However...There is an extremely big HOWEVER! (You see, however in the simplest terms means contradiction.) Sorry, you probably knew that. HOWEVER...
“This really is a story bigger than Lance,’’ Scott Mercier, Lance's ex-teammate, said. “It’s bigger than cycling. It really goes to the core of (the fact that) ethics matter, (and) doing things the right way matter. It seems whether it’s business, academics, politics, I think the country is fed up. Hopefully we’re seeing a cultural shift that how you do things is more important than the result.’’ You can read the story here
Is this a novel idea? That way we do things is more important than just the results? Is that the voice of the minority? Aren't we yet at the point where character, ethics, and morals are the most important qualities that we instill into our children?
That's the HOWEVER! Even if an athlete wins the Tour De France seven times, character counts. Even if an athlete is the youngest player to score 20,000 points playing basketball, there is a right way to treat people. Even if a recording artist is named the most successful R&B artist of the last 25 years by Billboard, morals count. Even if you are one of the highest paid "reality stars", how you got there is just as important.
If not, there will always be a HOWEVER next to your name!
Isn't this really the lesson that we should be sharing here? Isn't this what Lance has taught us? I believe that this is what's called a teachable moment! Tonight grab your children and tell them the cautionary tale of HOWEVER.
Last year in Chicago, 532 people were murdered! 532!!!!!!! This year they are already on pace for well over 700!!!!!!!!!!! There have been 21 homicides in Chicago since the start of 2013. At least 15 of the victims were shot to death, and more than half were under the age of 30. These may not be teens, but they are not far removed.
As we deal with the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary, I can not help but think of all of our young people who are dying due to gun violence in our communities. We look at that tragedy and are distraught as a nation because they were so young. In cities like Chicago, 'young people are often targets. In the school year that ended in June 2012, 319 Chicago public school students were shot, 24 of them fatally.' - Washington Post - Where is the outrage over these numbers?
Why have we not been affected by these 532 like we were these 27 in Connecticut? Is it because we have been able to demonize the shooters because of believed and often times real gang affiliations? Is it because we do not want to be reminded of those living in poverty in our own neighborhoods? After all, it is much easier to be fed up with what is happening in Africa than our own backyards.
Here is the point of my outburst. These are our children! They are human beings. They are individuals whose lives carry value. Things that carry value are typically treasured. Even when that thing that carries value is tarnished , we are willing to put in the effort to clean it up in an effort for it to express the true value. Things that carry value are often locked away and protected at all costs. People would often rather die than to give up their valuables.
I highlight Chicago because of the sheer mass numbers, however the problem is not an isolated one. It affects us all. In every community our children are being attacked and taken away. What are we going to do about it?
I hope the title was not what sucked you in! You might be disappointed to find that there are no nude photos here. You really did not expect to see any did you?
Anyhow, let's get to what this blog is really about. Modesty! That's right, modesty! Saige Hatch, a California high school student started the Modesty Club recently. A club that encourages teens to dress modestly, have high self esteem, and respect their bodies. In a day and age where I constantly hear about teens dressing provocatively it is refreshing and encouraging to hear about some wanting to cover up. As it turns out, this is not the only club or organization of its kind. The Pure Fashion Mission is a faith-based program that encourages teen girls to live, act, and dress in accordance with their dignity as children of God. There are others, as well. These are just a couple of examples.
Amazingly, some teens are actually rejecting what the media says is appropriate dress for their age. What about us? The parents! What role do we play in all of this? After all, most 13 year old teens do not work, in order to purchase their own clothing. Therefore, it stands to reason that we as parents are the ones buying the clothing with words written across the butt, drawing attention to an area that I as a dad have no desire to have attention drawn to.
Should we as parents support our 15 year old sons wearing only a colored wife beater to the movies, in order to showcase the tattoos that we sign permission for them to get? Should we allow our 14 year old daughters to buy lacy bras that peek out at young men when the extra low cut v-neck t-shirt that are wearing moves around while they are playing dodgeball? Or thong underwear that shows when they bend over to tie their shoes, while wearing their skinny jeans? By the way, these are not magic jeans, they do not make the wearer magically skinny. But I digress. By now, you get the point!
The media, entertainment industry, fashion industry, and music industry all tell our teens that the less clothing you wear, the more attractive you are. The more people love you. Well, isn't it time that we, as parents, say differently? Perhaps today, you can look at your teen and tell them that they do not have to be naked to be loved. (Of course, if you bought that inappropriate outfit, it could be an awkward conversation!)
For those of you
who have no idea who Derrick Rose is, he is best known by his job. He is the
starting point guard for the Chicago Bulls. In fact he is a bona fide NBA
superstar. But that is not who he is.
Here is one of my
favorite quotes from Maya Angelou “The first time someone shows you who they
are, believe them.”
Well, Derrick Rose has
shown himself to be a pretty quiet and private individual. He does not really enjoy
the spotlight.
Here is a lesson
learned from my mother. Adversity will reveal who a person truly is.
This past year,
Derrick Rose has had to undergo a great deal of adversity during the season
with nagging injuries to himself and teammates. But that was just the beginning of his
adversity. He had a season ending and career threatening injury. All in the
public spotlight!
Now that brings us
to the point of it all. Derrick Rose has taught and is teaching me many things
while I am watching and reading about him.
During his first
meeting with Adidas, his shoe sponsor, the executives from Adidas asked him
what he wanted to accomplish his rookie year. Do you know what he said? He
said, "I Wanna make My Mom Happy and My City Proud."What if more professional athletes lived with
this focus? What if celebrities had this in mind as they made choices? What if
this was the mantra of more teens?
Maybe we can't do
anything about professional athletes or celebrities, but we sure can do
something about teens!
I learned from just
that quote that Derrick Rose loves his mother, and his City! Chicago is a city
that saw a record numbers of murders this past summer. It is also a city that
had an ugly teacher's strike this summer. He loves a flawed city!
So, there is
another lesson learned from Derrick Rose. It is okay to love someplace and
someone that is not perfect. That kind of love will motivate you to help it or
them get better.
Let me share with
you what sparked this post. I read an ESPN article about Derrick Rose that
poised this question. What can one man do about deep-seated social ills like
poverty and violence? Read it here
If I have learned
anything from Derrick Rose this summer, it is this. One man/woman/teen can do a
lot! Especially if that person is willing to share their story of overcoming
and persevering. I have learned that Derrick Rose has become a symbol of hope
for his mother, his family, his friends, thousands of teens, and his entire community.
This summer, four
groups of rival gangs, church leaders and a few NBA players got together for a
game of basketball in an attempt to find a solution to the violence in the city.
Derrick Rose came together with St. Sabina’s Father Michael Pfleger for the
“Balling for Peace” tournament. After the tournament, every player got a job.
St. Sabina partnered with businesses in the community to make sure that players
were rewarded with employment for their peace pledge. Gang members traded their
guns for basketballs. Some gang members were quoted as saying, “Opportunity and
seeing that someone cares” are what’s needed to make a change.
I have learned that
Derrick Rose is not afraid to show just how much he cares.
When presented with
his new Adidas basketball shoe and the chance to talk about how special he
legitimately is, Derrick Rose chose to show real human emotion and thank God
and his family and the people who believe in him for their support and
inspiration.
I have learned that
Derrick Rose has an astounding work ethic, that he is humble beyond
belief,(especially for a generation that most label as selfish and
self-centered), and that he is fully aware that there is more to it all than
just worrying about Derrick.
I know that I am
usually speaking about teens, and the example that I am using is NBA superstar,
Derrick Rose, but let's not forget, Derrick is only 24! He was, not so longer
ago, just a teen from the very city that he now inspires. All because there were
those adults, friends, and siblings who were invested in his life, that gave
him hope.
Derrick thanks for
the lessons! May we each take it upon ourselves to be the hope for our mothers,
family, friends, teens, and our community!
