You are not a good enough YOU!

You could be the Next...Stop right there. Let's agree by the end of this blog that we will stop saying that.

                                              "Photo via The Caffiene Report"

You could be the next Barrack Obama! You could be the next Katy Perry! You could be the next Justin Bieber! Really? Why Can't I be the first Jody McPhearson? I can hear the collective grumbling now. "Jody, you know what I mean!" "I am simply attempting to encourage little Timmy or Mary to be her best." By being the next someone else? C'mon now!

Our young people are unique individuals. THey have qualities and characteristics specific to only them. They are each made for a specific purpose. If we tell them that they can be the next someone else, aren't we telling them that they are not good enough as themselves? More grumbling? Not so fast. Let's take a closer look at this.

This is not about scolding anyone. This is what we like to call "a teachable moment". That's right, I said it. This is a "teachable moment" for America.

When we say you can be the next... We are sharing our values with our young people. We are saying I value that person and you should too. So what happens when that person falls, or fails? Do we go back and explain that the person has made what we would consider an ethical mistake and we do not value that particular quality? Or do we just speak death into the lives of our young people?

You know how! We say things like, "That girl is a mess!" That is one of the nicer things that I hear adults say. (I won't mention some of the others as this is meant to be a family blog.) What our young people actually hear is that you wanted them to be like that person. You wanted them to be the next, that person. But then that person did something that you deemed inappropriate and you no longer like them. So, they make the assumption that if and when they make a mistake that you will no longer like them either. They will no longer be good enough!

"Photo Credit Mariell Lindland"

Maybe we should say, "I admire that quality in so and so and I see a similar quality in you."

When we say that young people can be the next him or her, we hope that somehow they will only pick up on the good qualities.  But, that is not the way it works. Our young people want to please us and they hone in on the fullness of that person. They begin to walk like them, and talk like them, act like them, they even begin to dress like them. So be careful when you call that celebrity a slut, that you are not telling your young person that she is a slut.

Maybe instead of telling them that they can be the next him or her, we encourage them to be the first themselves. And we can just model the behavior that we want them to emulate. We can change the world and be their role models. Volunteer with a local organization, hold a door open for women, don't just attend church, be the church. Instead of saying You are not a good enough you, let them know that they are good enough. How about we just become better at being us! Maybe it is you that is not a good enough YOU!

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
Hire Jody to speak at your event

Why are you sticking up for Gabby Douglas?

Gabrielle Union, Rebecca Sive, Jason Whitlock, Dominique Dawes, and about half of the twitterverse.  That is a shortlist of those defending Gabby Douglas. But why?

First, let's look at what are they defending her about. Social-media sites and other platforms have begun to criticize a 16 year old, who represented our country at the Olympic Games and has won two gold medals to date. The reason, of all things, is the upkeep of her hair. That's right, I said, her hair!

Really? Why would you bully a 16 year old? What did your hair look like at sixteen? What record setting accomplishments had you achieved at sixteen?

That's me at seventeen. I challenge you to go to our Facebook page and post a photo of you and your hair at 1sixteen.  Put Gabby in the comment section. The Re-DeFined Project

All of this is confusing to me. Apparently it is to Gabby as well ."I don't know where this is coming from. What's wrong with my hair?" said Gabby http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/05/gabby-douglas-hair-olympics-2012_n_1743897.html?utm_hp_ref=style

People need to find something else to criticize,’’ Damone Roberts says. “She’s a teenager who, God forbid, spends more time on her craft than she does her hair.  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/08/02/gabby-douglas-takes-two-olympic-golds-and-hair-criticism.html

I cannot explain why this is a topic of discussion. Perhaps it is an example of crab mentality, or maybe it is self hatred. Or, just maybe it is a glaring, revealing insight into our value system. Have we taught our young people to value appearances over accomplishments, perms over personality, becoming popular over becoming purposeful?
  

Did you know that the odds of winning an Olympic gold medal are said to be approximately 22,000,000 to 1? Women's gymnastics all-around champion Gabby Douglas has won 2! I do not believe that it is a happenstance that if you rearrange Gabby's last name Douglas it reads USA Gold!

Gabby is doing what she was purposed to do! She is an Olympic champion, Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, and Inspiring Hope in millions. We salute you Gabrielle Douglas! Fulfilling purpose is not easy work that begins in six-inch heels, a perfectly tailored suit and makeup.Purpose  requires hard work, sweat, and many unglamorous moments. The Olympics are not reality television where one can freshen up for every camera take. It is real life played out in front of us.

Let us be encouraging to young people who are willing to "Go Hard In The Paint" to achieve their goals. Let us lift them up rather than tear them down. Let us be above these types of petty discussions that attempt to tarnish the accomplishments of young people. Let us stick up for every Gabby Douglas out there!

For those who insist on continuing this meaningless, frivolous fixation on an extraordinary, Olympic gold medalist's hair, this video should help to cure that.

I am not my hair.
https://www.facebook.com/theredefinedproject?ref=hl

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
Do you need a speaker for your event?

Don't Be A Such A Coward

Coward: A person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.
How do we expect students to be courageous when they see us act like cowards? Why would they stand up to bullies when we don't? Why should they care if their classmates are hungry, or homeless, or depressed, when we don't?

If we tell them that winning is more important than reporting the abuse of a child how do we expect them to behave? If they only see us not wanting to get involved, they won't get involved either.

You say that wasn't you. You never acted like a coward. You never did these things. 

What about the time you saw that student wearing the same clothing for three days and did nothing to stop the teasing. You never even asked if everything was alright. And let's not forget the time when you overheard the young people "jonesing" on the little "nerd" and you laughed along with them.


When we allow others or even ourselves to be pushed around, abused, mistreated, we are telling the next generation that it is okay. It's alright to lack courage. Change takes courage! If we are unhappy with our world, our community, then we must have the courage to change it. If we exhibit courage, then so will they.

Courage is the ability to do something that frightens oneself.  It is acting on one’s beliefs despite danger or disapproval.Courage originates from the word heart. Love comes from the heart! So it is safe to say that courage takes love. Love for others. That is a message worth sharing. Tell others, tell students.

Don't Be A Coward!

Jody McPhearson

Impacting Communities, Encouraging leaders, Inspiring Hope

http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/jody_mcphearson.php

It’s None of Your Business

“It’s none of your business!”


Thinking back to when you were younger, how many times did you hear a grown use this expression? I think I heard it a thousand times…. in 6 months. I would hear it and then try to find out from somewhere else. Fortunately for me, I never did run into the wrong situation while asking. Not all young people will be so lucky.

As tomorrow’s leaders, our young people need to know their thoughts and opinions matter. We cannot “close the door” on them whenever they come to us. It is as easy as opening a door or slamming it shut.

If opening a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "What do you think?"
• "Would you like to share more about that?"
• "That's an excellent question."
• "I don't know, but I'll find out"
• "I'm interested in what you are thinking or saying."
• "Do you know what that means?"
• "That sounds important to you."
• "Would you like to talk about it?"

If closing a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "You’re too young to understand."
• "If you say that again, I'll..."
• "That's none of your business."
• "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
• "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
• "That's just for boys/girls"
• "Why are you asking me that?"
• "You don't need to know about that."
• "Don't come to me if you mess up."

We need to encourage, not discourage.

Are you an “OPENER” or are you a “CLOSER?”


Travis Hardin

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