You are not a good enough YOU!

You could be the Next...Stop right there. Let's agree by the end of this blog that we will stop saying that.

                                              "Photo via The Caffiene Report"

You could be the next Barrack Obama! You could be the next Katy Perry! You could be the next Justin Bieber! Really? Why Can't I be the first Jody McPhearson? I can hear the collective grumbling now. "Jody, you know what I mean!" "I am simply attempting to encourage little Timmy or Mary to be her best." By being the next someone else? C'mon now!

Our young people are unique individuals. THey have qualities and characteristics specific to only them. They are each made for a specific purpose. If we tell them that they can be the next someone else, aren't we telling them that they are not good enough as themselves? More grumbling? Not so fast. Let's take a closer look at this.

This is not about scolding anyone. This is what we like to call "a teachable moment". That's right, I said it. This is a "teachable moment" for America.

When we say you can be the next... We are sharing our values with our young people. We are saying I value that person and you should too. So what happens when that person falls, or fails? Do we go back and explain that the person has made what we would consider an ethical mistake and we do not value that particular quality? Or do we just speak death into the lives of our young people?

You know how! We say things like, "That girl is a mess!" That is one of the nicer things that I hear adults say. (I won't mention some of the others as this is meant to be a family blog.) What our young people actually hear is that you wanted them to be like that person. You wanted them to be the next, that person. But then that person did something that you deemed inappropriate and you no longer like them. So, they make the assumption that if and when they make a mistake that you will no longer like them either. They will no longer be good enough!

"Photo Credit Mariell Lindland"

Maybe we should say, "I admire that quality in so and so and I see a similar quality in you."

When we say that young people can be the next him or her, we hope that somehow they will only pick up on the good qualities.  But, that is not the way it works. Our young people want to please us and they hone in on the fullness of that person. They begin to walk like them, and talk like them, act like them, they even begin to dress like them. So be careful when you call that celebrity a slut, that you are not telling your young person that she is a slut.

Maybe instead of telling them that they can be the next him or her, we encourage them to be the first themselves. And we can just model the behavior that we want them to emulate. We can change the world and be their role models. Volunteer with a local organization, hold a door open for women, don't just attend church, be the church. Instead of saying You are not a good enough you, let them know that they are good enough. How about we just become better at being us! Maybe it is you that is not a good enough YOU!

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
Hire Jody to speak at your event

Refund Your Blessings

Are you nice even when you do not feel like it? That was the question I asked after the store manager handed my money back.

I had run into the Wal-Mart to get a refund for an item that was not properly working, and after 15 minutes of back and forth, I was faced with a disgruntled manager. I nicely asked if I could talk to another manager about the refund and a separate manager came to the desk. As I explained the situation again to the second manager, it seemed we were heading down the same road. As we talked I wondered if I would get my money back.

Moments later, the manager said “By now, customers are usually irate and yelling, but you’ve been patient.” Then he said, “Let’s try something else.” He asked a few questions and started punching numbers into the cash register. After a short delay, and stories about irate customers, the machine produced a receipt with my refund.

The manager went on to tell me the reason the first manager was being so difficult is because a group of high school students were observing customer interactions from a local high school. The kids were in a room, inside the Wal-Mart watching the live footage.

As I was leaving the store, one of the young students came out to thank me for the way I handled myself. He told me I was the only customer who did not get mad or say anything mean to the managers. He told me he learned a valuable lesson from the observation of my refund. Although my refund was small in price, the lesson was priceless in the eyes of a group of young people.

We never know when young people are observing us so it is best that we be consistent examples of how they should be when they grow up.

This was a perfect opportunity for me to discourage a room of students without realizing the harm I could have put on our community. Simply because I kept a level head and displayed positive character, young people were encouraged to be nice even when you feel like going straight off on someone else. Am I always this calm? Absolutely not! I just wanted YOU to see how you can impact our youth with your day to day interactions with others. Their eyes and ears are always open.

The next time you are in a store or simply out in public, what lesson are you teaching the class of students who may be observing you? Just know that every single day, you are a teacher and young people are watching you and learning from your actions. I challenge you to always, REFUND YOUR BLESSINGS.


Travis Hardin

Pay it forward

Hire Travis to speak to your group

 "Photo Credit: Howard McWilliam"

Why are you sticking up for Gabby Douglas?

Gabrielle Union, Rebecca Sive, Jason Whitlock, Dominique Dawes, and about half of the twitterverse.  That is a shortlist of those defending Gabby Douglas. But why?

First, let's look at what are they defending her about. Social-media sites and other platforms have begun to criticize a 16 year old, who represented our country at the Olympic Games and has won two gold medals to date. The reason, of all things, is the upkeep of her hair. That's right, I said, her hair!

Really? Why would you bully a 16 year old? What did your hair look like at sixteen? What record setting accomplishments had you achieved at sixteen?

That's me at seventeen. I challenge you to go to our Facebook page and post a photo of you and your hair at 1sixteen.  Put Gabby in the comment section. The Re-DeFined Project

All of this is confusing to me. Apparently it is to Gabby as well ."I don't know where this is coming from. What's wrong with my hair?" said Gabby http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/05/gabby-douglas-hair-olympics-2012_n_1743897.html?utm_hp_ref=style

People need to find something else to criticize,’’ Damone Roberts says. “She’s a teenager who, God forbid, spends more time on her craft than she does her hair.  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/08/02/gabby-douglas-takes-two-olympic-golds-and-hair-criticism.html

I cannot explain why this is a topic of discussion. Perhaps it is an example of crab mentality, or maybe it is self hatred. Or, just maybe it is a glaring, revealing insight into our value system. Have we taught our young people to value appearances over accomplishments, perms over personality, becoming popular over becoming purposeful?
  

Did you know that the odds of winning an Olympic gold medal are said to be approximately 22,000,000 to 1? Women's gymnastics all-around champion Gabby Douglas has won 2! I do not believe that it is a happenstance that if you rearrange Gabby's last name Douglas it reads USA Gold!

Gabby is doing what she was purposed to do! She is an Olympic champion, Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, and Inspiring Hope in millions. We salute you Gabrielle Douglas! Fulfilling purpose is not easy work that begins in six-inch heels, a perfectly tailored suit and makeup.Purpose  requires hard work, sweat, and many unglamorous moments. The Olympics are not reality television where one can freshen up for every camera take. It is real life played out in front of us.

Let us be encouraging to young people who are willing to "Go Hard In The Paint" to achieve their goals. Let us lift them up rather than tear them down. Let us be above these types of petty discussions that attempt to tarnish the accomplishments of young people. Let us stick up for every Gabby Douglas out there!

For those who insist on continuing this meaningless, frivolous fixation on an extraordinary, Olympic gold medalist's hair, this video should help to cure that.

I am not my hair.
https://www.facebook.com/theredefinedproject?ref=hl

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
Do you need a speaker for your event?

Olympic Gold

Would you be upset if you went to London to compete for a medal and came back to the United States without gold, silver or bronze?

With so much anticipation of the world’s greatest athletes to come together on center stage at the London Olympic Games for competition, I wonder what the thought process is for the thousands of athletes who will not return with a medal. They have trained for years, months, days and hours just like the winners, yet, they get no glory for their efforts.

Our youth are on the same stage day after day and we sit back and allow it to happen. Every young person who has breath should be encouraged, cheered, motivated, inspired and empowered to do great things. However, we sit back and select the more talented, more attractive and most outgoing youth to support and encourage. What about the D student or the less attractive young man/lady? They are on the same stage, yet we ignore their future potential.

I heard a sermon by Bishop Kenneth L. Robinson where he talked about a trip to a soccer match in Africa. He compared the enthusiasm of the tens of thousands of spectators to fans in the United States after a home run, a buzzer beater from 3 point range or a touchdown followed by a dance in the end zone. There was one big difference, no one had scored, yet the fans were all celebrating and yelling at the top of their lungs. The score had been 0-0 for more than 40 minutes of play. The score was not the reason for the excitement but the ANTICIPATION of a goal was.

“It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. DO WHAT YOU CAN.” - Sydney Smith-

Every child is not destined to be the best at everything but every child should be encouraged as if they will someday bring home the gold. There are a lot of premier athletes, actors/actresses, business executives with a lot of money and promise in their respective fields but their character sucks. Let’s not allow another young person from our community make it to center stage without the proper training and guidance from the members of the community.

How awesome would it be to see a young person you know compete in future Olympic Games? Whether they win or lose should not matter. The real winners are not those at the top but those who have come the farthest over the toughest roads. Their victory may never make the headlines, but THEY will know about it, and that’s what counts.

Are you helping to prepare a GOLD medal mentality in a young person? I dare you to try.


Travis Hardin

“Pay it forward”

 http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/travis_hardin.php

Don't Be A Such A Coward

Coward: A person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.
How do we expect students to be courageous when they see us act like cowards? Why would they stand up to bullies when we don't? Why should they care if their classmates are hungry, or homeless, or depressed, when we don't?

If we tell them that winning is more important than reporting the abuse of a child how do we expect them to behave? If they only see us not wanting to get involved, they won't get involved either.

You say that wasn't you. You never acted like a coward. You never did these things. 

What about the time you saw that student wearing the same clothing for three days and did nothing to stop the teasing. You never even asked if everything was alright. And let's not forget the time when you overheard the young people "jonesing" on the little "nerd" and you laughed along with them.


When we allow others or even ourselves to be pushed around, abused, mistreated, we are telling the next generation that it is okay. It's alright to lack courage. Change takes courage! If we are unhappy with our world, our community, then we must have the courage to change it. If we exhibit courage, then so will they.

Courage is the ability to do something that frightens oneself.  It is acting on one’s beliefs despite danger or disapproval.Courage originates from the word heart. Love comes from the heart! So it is safe to say that courage takes love. Love for others. That is a message worth sharing. Tell others, tell students.

Don't Be A Coward!

Jody McPhearson

Impacting Communities, Encouraging leaders, Inspiring Hope

http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/jody_mcphearson.php

It’s None of Your Business

“It’s none of your business!”


Thinking back to when you were younger, how many times did you hear a grown use this expression? I think I heard it a thousand times…. in 6 months. I would hear it and then try to find out from somewhere else. Fortunately for me, I never did run into the wrong situation while asking. Not all young people will be so lucky.

As tomorrow’s leaders, our young people need to know their thoughts and opinions matter. We cannot “close the door” on them whenever they come to us. It is as easy as opening a door or slamming it shut.

If opening a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "What do you think?"
• "Would you like to share more about that?"
• "That's an excellent question."
• "I don't know, but I'll find out"
• "I'm interested in what you are thinking or saying."
• "Do you know what that means?"
• "That sounds important to you."
• "Would you like to talk about it?"

If closing a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "You’re too young to understand."
• "If you say that again, I'll..."
• "That's none of your business."
• "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
• "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
• "That's just for boys/girls"
• "Why are you asking me that?"
• "You don't need to know about that."
• "Don't come to me if you mess up."

We need to encourage, not discourage.

Are you an “OPENER” or are you a “CLOSER?”


Travis Hardin

Pay it forward

Let 'Em Fight

I can’t tell you how many times that I hear parents complain about how materialistic their children are. I will admit that it does seem that way sometimes. According to a study described in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the generation of young Americans born after 1982, shows an increasing trend of valuing money, image, and fame more than inherent principles like self-acceptance, affiliation, and community. It calls the generation, “Generation Me”.  

He is my question…Why? Why do we see young people as selfish? Are we to blame?

I often hear parents say that they want their children to have things better than what they had growing up. Does that mean that they should give them everything? Do they think their children are going to be better off because they get everything their hearts desire?  Or, are we creating our own problem?

Wait a minute; I thought we were talking about fighting! We are. Here is the deal. We want well rounded young people who care about their community and grow up to make the world a better place. Why would they fight to make the world a better place when their world is the best place? They won’t!

When young people are so into material things, they begin to identify themselves by what they have. When you spend all of your time identifying with what you have and what others have, there is no time left to think about what others lack.

In order for our young people to fight for something, we can't give them everything. Let ‘Em Fight!

Jody McPhearson

Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope

http://theredefinedproject.org/speakers/jody_mcphearson.php