"HOWEVER"...A LESSON LEARNED FROM LANCE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

 

It has been a rough couple of weeks for Lance Armstrong. My goal is not to pile on to it. Rather, my desire is to learn from it. So this is about what I learned from Lance. I call it "The lesson of However".

 

Let me begin by saying that I admire the fact that he has overcome. It is a well known fact that the doctors gave him a 50/50 chance of survival from stage 4 testicular cancer. In case you have been living under a rock, he beat it! I am equally appreciative of the fact that LiveStrong has been able to raise over $470 million dollars since 1997, according to their website. You see, my mother is a long time survivor of breast cancer.

If you are awaiting the big but, there is no but. You see, but cancels out everything that came before it, and there is no way that I can cancel out the healing of a man's cancer. there is no way I can cancel out the work that the Livestrong foundation has done. So there is no but!

However...There is an extremely big HOWEVER! (You see, however in the simplest terms means contradiction.) Sorry, you probably knew that. HOWEVER...

“This really is a story bigger than Lance,’’ Scott Mercier, Lance's ex-teammate, said. “It’s bigger than cycling. It really goes to the core of (the fact that) ethics matter, (and) doing things the right way matter. It seems whether it’s business, academics, politics, I think the country is fed up. Hopefully we’re seeing a cultural shift that how you do things is more important than the result.’’ You can read the story here

Is this a novel idea? That way we do things is more important than just the results? Is that the voice of the minority? Aren't we yet at the point where character, ethics, and morals are the most important qualities that we instill into our children?

That's the HOWEVER! Even if an athlete wins the Tour De France seven times, character counts. Even if an athlete is the youngest player to score 20,000 points playing basketball, there is a right way to treat people. Even if a recording artist is named the most successful R&B artist of the last 25 years by Billboard, morals count. Even if you are one of the highest paid "reality stars", how you got there is just as important.

If not, there will always be a HOWEVER next to your name!

Isn't this really the lesson that we should be sharing here? Isn't this what Lance has taught us? I believe that this is what's called a teachable moment!  Tonight grab your children and tell them the cautionary tale of HOWEVER.



PRESIDENTIAL STATE OF MIND

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

As Barack Hussein Obama is sworn in as president today for his second term, I can’t help but to think about the mindset of our youth who do not even know the power of potential that lies within each and every one of them.

I spoke to a young man from a local high school last week and he was comfortable saying he had failed 2 classes in the first semester. I told him that was unacceptable and shared reasons why it was unacceptable. His demeanor became defensive as he questioned why I cared. I told him he has everything inside of him needed to become anything he wanted. I told him he needed to push himself harder and strive for A’s and not simply settling for C’s, D’s, and F’s.

Once we discussed his future plans, family, and dreams he told me no one has ever taken the time to explain the consequences of bad grades in the future. He then started asking me questions about my career and family. I told him he needs to have a “Presidential state of mind.” As long as he could think it, the possibility of it coming true was within reach. He could be president of a company, an organization or of these United States. If we do not think it we will never be able to do it.

For every young person reading this post, I hope you not only watched the inauguration of President Obama, but you saw yourself being sworn into a top position in a field of your desire. It doesn’t start when you get older; it starts right now while you are in school and learning what it means to separate yourself from the rest. You must stand out and do the things now, which no one else in your class and/or school is doing. I dare you to start by looking in the mirror and ask if you are doing ALL you can to be the best.

For all the dysfunction that our country is exhibiting at the moment, Dr. King reminds us that the time is always ripe to do right. We should never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person is at stake.

"Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way." ~ Tavis Smiley

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

MUST A GIRL BE NAKED TO BE LOVED?

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

I hope the title was not what sucked you in! You might be disappointed to find that there are no nude photos here. You really did not expect to see any did you?

Anyhow, let's get to what this blog is really about. Modesty! That's right, modesty! Saige Hatch, a California high school student started the Modesty Club recently. A club that encourages teens to dress modestly, have high self esteem, and respect their bodies. In a day and age where I constantly hear about teens dressing provocatively it is refreshing and encouraging to hear about some wanting to cover up. As it turns out, this is not the only club or organization of its kind. The Pure Fashion Mission is a faith-based program that encourages teen girls to live, act, and dress in accordance with their dignity as children of God. There are others, as well. These are just a couple of examples.

Amazingly, some teens are actually rejecting what the media says is appropriate dress for their age. What about us? The parents! What role do we play in all of this? After all, most 13 year old teens do not work, in order to purchase their own clothing. Therefore, it stands to reason that we as parents are the ones buying the clothing with words written across the butt, drawing attention to an area that I as a dad have no desire to have attention drawn to.

Should we as parents support our 15 year old sons wearing only a colored wife beater to the movies, in order to showcase the tattoos that we sign permission for them to get? Should we allow our 14 year old daughters to buy lacy bras that peek out at young men when the extra low cut v-neck t-shirt that are wearing moves around while they are playing dodgeball? Or thong underwear that shows when they bend over to tie their shoes, while wearing their skinny jeans? By the way, these are not magic jeans, they do not make the wearer magically skinny. But I digress. By now, you get the point!

The media, entertainment industry, fashion industry, and music industry all tell our teens that the less clothing you wear, the more attractive you are. The more people love you. Well, isn't it time that we, as parents, say differently? Perhaps today, you can look at your teen and tell them that they do not have to be naked to be loved. (Of course, if you bought that inappropriate outfit, it could be an awkward conversation!)

Let us first decide that this is not acceptable, and then, let us empower our teens to decide the same.

Photo Courtesy of www.purefashion.com

FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Too often we as adults focus on obtaining a desired result and expect our youth to win or overcome.  We end up getting disappointed because they cannot deliver or make the simple decisions that are required to be competitive on the field of life. Our attention is on the end result, rather than on preparing our youth to execute during their performances. Execution starts on the practice field and only after numerous hours of proper practice and hard work will it be carried on to real life situations. 

One of the common denominators upon successful performers or athletes is 10,000 hours of practice (perfect practice). Thus, to be successful at anything, it requires hard work, dedication, determination and discipline.  
On the same token, we expect our youth to hit singles, doubles, triples, or even homeruns when facing the challenges of life. Instead of focusing on the end result, we should teach our youth to focus on executing a perfect swing and fielding a ground ball, catching a fly ball, or delivering a pitch fundamentally correct. Youth need to understand that there are things that he/she cannot control, like getting a hit. A baseball player has no control on what happens after he executes on his swing and hits a line drive. The other team might make a great play and make the out, but the important thing is that the player executed correctly and not that he did not get a hit. As it is in life, we need to encourage youth even when they fail at something after putting in the hard work to complete the task.

I have seen many instances where a player hits a hard line drive and somehow gets put out. Then goes back to the dugout with his head down or even sometimes takes his helmet off and throws it on the ground. This is mainly as a result of coaches or parents expecting their kids to get a hit, rather than expecting them to hit the ball with proper form.  Help the players focus on execution rather than results, on what they can control rather than what they cannot control.  Praise them for hitting the ball, not just when they get a hit.

Winning is a result of hard work, dedication, determination and discipline. Focus on the latter four and winning will take care of itself. This is why I don’t like to talk about winning during speeches or instructional work. We focus on what we have control of; like working hard, getting our perfect repetitions and developing mental toughness.

As I sat and watched game 3 of the World Series between the San Francisco Giants and Detroit Tigers, I could not help but to wrap this latest message into baseball terminology. The hits in the game of baseball are just like the everyday successes our youth see but are not given recognition for. We only celebrate them when it is a large accomplishment (home run). Let’s get back to basics by teaching and coaching morals and values. No matter what the score is in life, if our youth are given the proper strategies during the critical learning phase, ages 10 – 18, we will minimize their thirst to want to follow the “In Crowd.” We have all been there where we see something that really isn’t there. Love at 16 felt like it was going to be marriage and life happily ever after. Only to mature and learn that we didn’t know what love was until we endured hurts, pains, ups and downs. Just like the last out of every World Series recorded in history, win or lose, spring training will return in March. Help us to keep the basics of morals and values in our youth. Celebrate them for the work and efforts they are putting into their service. Life is not always about winning. Some of my losses have been much more valuable than the wins. I am sure you can go back in your past and think of some things or people you drifted apart from which felt like a tremendous loss at the time, only to mature and learn, you would not be where you are had you stuck around that negative thing or person. Let’s embrace the fundamentals.

YOLO - MAKE IT A LIFE THAT MATTERS

By Jody McPhearson

"Teaching Teens Their Lifes Matter'

 

 

Thursday, this was the headline that caught my attention. "Ervin McKinness, Aspiring Rapper, Tweets 'YOLO' About Driving Drunk And Dies Minutes Later!" Is this really YOLO?

There is no doubt that “YOLO” (You Only Live Once), from the song "Motto", has grown to be the coolest new thing for young people to say this year. The new saying has been used to describe everyday life, and has gone as far as being tattooed on celebrities! Let me tell you something...It's only cool if you are doing something cool with your life! And just so there is no confusion, by cool, I mean purposeful.

YOLO, or "You Only Live Once," is sort of a teen interpretation of "Carpe Diem". You know, "Seize the Day!" The problem is that the interpretation does not resemble anything close to seizing the day. It appears to be more about seizing the moment, in a way that relieves the person of all responsibility. It has become an excuse for irresponsible, immoral, reprehensible, and even sinful behavior.

That's not YOLO! YOLO is making a difference in someone's life. Yolo is making a decision to move away to follow your dreams of being an engineer by enrolling at a university across the country. YOLO is committing to a year abroad as a missionary to have an impact on the lives of people who can not help themselves. Yolo is volunteering right here in your own community to teach teens they matter.

This is YOLO! Being a teen and giving up a Saturday morning to help others.

You Only Live Once! Make It A Life That matters!
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YOU HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET!

 

So this is my first and hopefully last time ever mentioning Kimberly Noel Kardashian formally.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about her. This is also about the media, and I suppose, society as a whole.

Here is how all this came about.  I ran across this quote. "I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame," [said Kim], "So, of course I'm so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want. I would love to break that mold." –Kim Kardashian

One of the biggest honors in the entertainment industry is achieving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. While Kim Kardashian has appeared in a few TV series and films, she has not come close to having earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

"She is a reality star. We don't do reality stars," a Chamber of Commerce rep responded. "She needs to get a real acting job then come to us."  Kim Kardashian not getting star

Here’s a look at her credits:

Disaster Movie, Beyond the Break TV series, CSI: NY TV series, Deep in the Valley straight to DVD, and Drop Dead Diva TV series.

This list doesn’t even mention her most famous role, you know the one that started it all, opposite Brandy’s little brother! What makes her think that she is deserving of a star. Maybe a star on The Walk of Shame would be more appropriate? By now this probably sounds like a Kim Kardashian bashing blog. It is not!

Here is what this blog is really about. You! Just because you want something does not mean that the world owes it to you. It is good to know that there are still some things that you are expected to earn.  It is good to know that money cannot buy everything.

It seems as if everyone wants to be famous for doing nothing more than what the last person did. I am sorry, that is not entirely true. Some want to be famous for acting more foolishly and outlandish than everyone else. For pushing the envelope!

How about putting all of that energy into making your community a better place to live, making your neighborhood a safe place for kids to play in front of their homes, solving some of the more serious issues in society, tackling issues like homelessness and teen suicide? If you want your star, your fifteen minutes of fame, EARN IT!

If you want to be famous, rich, well known, Earn it! You are not special just because you want to be. Do something! Create something! Help somebody! Like this guy!

Mark West from Phoenix Suns hosts annual free basketball and education camp.

Get involved

Jody McPhearson
Inspiring Teens to Live a Life of Purpose
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You are not a good enough YOU!

You could be the Next...Stop right there. Let's agree by the end of this blog that we will stop saying that.

                                              "Photo via The Caffiene Report"

You could be the next Barrack Obama! You could be the next Katy Perry! You could be the next Justin Bieber! Really? Why Can't I be the first Jody McPhearson? I can hear the collective grumbling now. "Jody, you know what I mean!" "I am simply attempting to encourage little Timmy or Mary to be her best." By being the next someone else? C'mon now!

Our young people are unique individuals. THey have qualities and characteristics specific to only them. They are each made for a specific purpose. If we tell them that they can be the next someone else, aren't we telling them that they are not good enough as themselves? More grumbling? Not so fast. Let's take a closer look at this.

This is not about scolding anyone. This is what we like to call "a teachable moment". That's right, I said it. This is a "teachable moment" for America.

When we say you can be the next... We are sharing our values with our young people. We are saying I value that person and you should too. So what happens when that person falls, or fails? Do we go back and explain that the person has made what we would consider an ethical mistake and we do not value that particular quality? Or do we just speak death into the lives of our young people?

You know how! We say things like, "That girl is a mess!" That is one of the nicer things that I hear adults say. (I won't mention some of the others as this is meant to be a family blog.) What our young people actually hear is that you wanted them to be like that person. You wanted them to be the next, that person. But then that person did something that you deemed inappropriate and you no longer like them. So, they make the assumption that if and when they make a mistake that you will no longer like them either. They will no longer be good enough!

"Photo Credit Mariell Lindland"

Maybe we should say, "I admire that quality in so and so and I see a similar quality in you."

When we say that young people can be the next him or her, we hope that somehow they will only pick up on the good qualities.  But, that is not the way it works. Our young people want to please us and they hone in on the fullness of that person. They begin to walk like them, and talk like them, act like them, they even begin to dress like them. So be careful when you call that celebrity a slut, that you are not telling your young person that she is a slut.

Maybe instead of telling them that they can be the next him or her, we encourage them to be the first themselves. And we can just model the behavior that we want them to emulate. We can change the world and be their role models. Volunteer with a local organization, hold a door open for women, don't just attend church, be the church. Instead of saying You are not a good enough you, let them know that they are good enough. How about we just become better at being us! Maybe it is you that is not a good enough YOU!

Jody McPhearson
Impacting Communities, Encouraging Leaders, Inspiring Hope
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