MUST A GIRL BE NAKED TO BE LOVED?

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

I hope the title was not what sucked you in! You might be disappointed to find that there are no nude photos here. You really did not expect to see any did you?

Anyhow, let's get to what this blog is really about. Modesty! That's right, modesty! Saige Hatch, a California high school student started the Modesty Club recently. A club that encourages teens to dress modestly, have high self esteem, and respect their bodies. In a day and age where I constantly hear about teens dressing provocatively it is refreshing and encouraging to hear about some wanting to cover up. As it turns out, this is not the only club or organization of its kind. The Pure Fashion Mission is a faith-based program that encourages teen girls to live, act, and dress in accordance with their dignity as children of God. There are others, as well. These are just a couple of examples.

Amazingly, some teens are actually rejecting what the media says is appropriate dress for their age. What about us? The parents! What role do we play in all of this? After all, most 13 year old teens do not work, in order to purchase their own clothing. Therefore, it stands to reason that we as parents are the ones buying the clothing with words written across the butt, drawing attention to an area that I as a dad have no desire to have attention drawn to.

Should we as parents support our 15 year old sons wearing only a colored wife beater to the movies, in order to showcase the tattoos that we sign permission for them to get? Should we allow our 14 year old daughters to buy lacy bras that peek out at young men when the extra low cut v-neck t-shirt that are wearing moves around while they are playing dodgeball? Or thong underwear that shows when they bend over to tie their shoes, while wearing their skinny jeans? By the way, these are not magic jeans, they do not make the wearer magically skinny. But I digress. By now, you get the point!

The media, entertainment industry, fashion industry, and music industry all tell our teens that the less clothing you wear, the more attractive you are. The more people love you. Well, isn't it time that we, as parents, say differently? Perhaps today, you can look at your teen and tell them that they do not have to be naked to be loved. (Of course, if you bought that inappropriate outfit, it could be an awkward conversation!)

Let us first decide that this is not acceptable, and then, let us empower our teens to decide the same.

Photo Courtesy of www.purefashion.com

YOU HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET!

 

So this is my first and hopefully last time ever mentioning Kimberly Noel Kardashian formally.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about her. This is also about the media, and I suppose, society as a whole.

Here is how all this came about.  I ran across this quote. "I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame," [said Kim], "So, of course I'm so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want. I would love to break that mold." –Kim Kardashian

One of the biggest honors in the entertainment industry is achieving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. While Kim Kardashian has appeared in a few TV series and films, she has not come close to having earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

"She is a reality star. We don't do reality stars," a Chamber of Commerce rep responded. "She needs to get a real acting job then come to us."  Kim Kardashian not getting star

Here’s a look at her credits:

Disaster Movie, Beyond the Break TV series, CSI: NY TV series, Deep in the Valley straight to DVD, and Drop Dead Diva TV series.

This list doesn’t even mention her most famous role, you know the one that started it all, opposite Brandy’s little brother! What makes her think that she is deserving of a star. Maybe a star on The Walk of Shame would be more appropriate? By now this probably sounds like a Kim Kardashian bashing blog. It is not!

Here is what this blog is really about. You! Just because you want something does not mean that the world owes it to you. It is good to know that there are still some things that you are expected to earn.  It is good to know that money cannot buy everything.

It seems as if everyone wants to be famous for doing nothing more than what the last person did. I am sorry, that is not entirely true. Some want to be famous for acting more foolishly and outlandish than everyone else. For pushing the envelope!

How about putting all of that energy into making your community a better place to live, making your neighborhood a safe place for kids to play in front of their homes, solving some of the more serious issues in society, tackling issues like homelessness and teen suicide? If you want your star, your fifteen minutes of fame, EARN IT!

If you want to be famous, rich, well known, Earn it! You are not special just because you want to be. Do something! Create something! Help somebody! Like this guy!

Mark West from Phoenix Suns hosts annual free basketball and education camp.

Get involved

Jody McPhearson
Inspiring Teens to Live a Life of Purpose
Invite Jody to speak for your group, school, or event

It’s None of Your Business

“It’s none of your business!”


Thinking back to when you were younger, how many times did you hear a grown use this expression? I think I heard it a thousand times…. in 6 months. I would hear it and then try to find out from somewhere else. Fortunately for me, I never did run into the wrong situation while asking. Not all young people will be so lucky.

As tomorrow’s leaders, our young people need to know their thoughts and opinions matter. We cannot “close the door” on them whenever they come to us. It is as easy as opening a door or slamming it shut.

If opening a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "What do you think?"
• "Would you like to share more about that?"
• "That's an excellent question."
• "I don't know, but I'll find out"
• "I'm interested in what you are thinking or saying."
• "Do you know what that means?"
• "That sounds important to you."
• "Would you like to talk about it?"

If closing a door, the conversation will include the following responses to a teenager:

• "You’re too young to understand."
• "If you say that again, I'll..."
• "That's none of your business."
• "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
• "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
• "That's just for boys/girls"
• "Why are you asking me that?"
• "You don't need to know about that."
• "Don't come to me if you mess up."

We need to encourage, not discourage.

Are you an “OPENER” or are you a “CLOSER?”


Travis Hardin

Pay it forward

I fought a teenager...How embarrassing!

How will my peers respond when they learn I had a fight with a 17 year old young man? How could I allow my emotions to get the best of me? I should have known better. Let me explain this unfortunate incident.

It was a 112 degree day in June of this year (2012). I was on my way to grab lunch when I decided to go inside a downtown Phoenix restaurant for a meal. I was in no rush as the sweltering heat was keeping the pace of everyone to a crawl. My thought was “This will be quick as there are no lines in any of the restaurants and not many people walking around downtown because of the heat.”

I approached the counter of the restaurant to place my order and had been looking up at the menu for 30-45 seconds when I looked down to see a young man standing next to me with his pants hanging halfway down his legs. I thought to myself, “He needs a belt, this is a little much.” Only to observe he had a belt on.

I then thought, “I will leave it alone because if I say something, he may take it the wrong way and react like a typical teenager.” When I say typical, I mean disrespectfully reply to my question regardless of how polite I speak to him. All of this going on in my head and the young man was simply preparing to place his order just as I was.

I looked down again and realized I had to say something no matter the outcome because there were people all over the restaurant staring and making comments regarding the young man’s pants. I had the worst outcome made up in my mind before speaking. It ran across my mind, “If this young man takes a swing at me I will have to physically respond to his threat against me.”

I said hello to the young man and he responded with a very polite “How are you sir.” I acknowledged with a smile and said I am fine but was wondering why in the world he was showing me his rear end below the shirt.

He responded with a child-like laugh and told me it was just the way his pants fit. I told him how much of a distraction it was as people were trying to eat and his pants were noticeably hanging too low below his waist. He smiled and said immediately “I will pull them up and tighten my belt.” He then went on to thank me for respecting him and asking nicely for him to pull his pants up…… WOW! Not the outcome I had in mind

I thought to myself, “That’s it! All I had to do was politely ask for him to pull up his pants?” I had already played multiple scenarios in my head as to the outcome of asking him to pull up his pants and he nicely pulled them up without hesitation.

How often do you refrain from speaking to our younger generation for fear of their disrespectful response? All it took was for me to SAY SOMETHING. I actually sat down and had lunch with the young man and he shared with me his thoughts and ideas about his future. He wanted to go to college. He had dreams of a family. He aspired to be the best father he could be once he was ready to have kids….. And I had in my mind we would be fighting in the restaurant. Boy did this young man bless me on this day.

I ask you to simply take the time to STAND UP and SAY SOMETHING the next time you are in this position. You may be able to destroy some personal stereotypes you have of our younger generation and be blessed like I was. There are some disrespectful youth and adults out there but if we give respect, it typically comes back in return.

Travis Hardin 
Pay it forward