BULLYING EFFECTS & CONSEQUENCES AS A VICTIM

During a recent trip to Tennessee to visit family, I was constantly reminded of how bullying remains in the lives of youth. On my flight back, I talked with a few people on board who shared their negative experiences with bullying. I advised we would continue to voice this challenge as we try to engage all youth in Character Building, Career Development and Community Involvement.

For children/youth that are or have been victimized by bullies, there are usually serious impacts on their lives and development. Negative health consequences of bullying can generally be classified under four categories:

• Low Psychological Well-being

• Poor Social Adjustment

• Psychological Distress

• Physically Ill-health

Such harmful effects can be both short-term as well as long-term:

Short-term Effects

Drop in grades to poor school attendance: Victims of bullying typically start to lose interest in school work, and may even avoid going to school, for fear of being bullied. As they spend an increasing amount of time thinking of ways to evade the trauma, they have less energy left for learning, thus their academic results suffer. That would in turn lead to more pressure and shame.

Loneliness and poor social relationships: Victimization is related to immediate effects such as loneliness, anxiety and a low sense of self-worth too. Besides that, those bullied usually have few friends, and their friendships are often of poor quality.

Physical ill-health: Physical ill-health symptoms can occur as well such as headaches, mouth-sores etc. Such health problems take place as constantly resisting and fearing the bully taxes the mental and physical defenses, causing the body system to break down.

Long-term Effects

Lowered self-esteem and depression: Bullying victims generally suffer from lower self-esteem, and a greater susceptibility to depression in the long run as compared to their non-victimized counterparts. Research has shown that there is “a causal link between peer victimization and low levels of well-being”.

Suicide: Apart from that, there had been several cases of “bullycide”, whereby victims commit suicide because of frequent bullying.

Self-harm: Many victims may choose to suffer in silence, or inflict pain upon themselves.

Revenge leading to violent juvenile behavior: Some victims may strike back in vengeance. The latter may consequently display violent juvenile behavior.

Due to the many damaging consequences of bullying, the victims are often trapped in a vicious cycle of continued victimization. Hence proper measures to prevent and to deal with the issue ought to be implemented. Social support is vital too, for the lack of it can contribute significantly to poor mental health among victims as well.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

YOUTH CAN BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Members of ASU football team @ Andre House

As we finish this 4 part series, we want to concentrate on our youth and their feelings towards being taken seriously. Teens and young adult constantly talk to The Re-De-Fined Project and say they feel as though their thoughts and ideas are not taken seriously. They are told they are too young or they haven’t lived long enough. Are they too young or are some adults being immature and disregarding great ideas and thoughts? The following is an exact post from an unidentified teen:

I feel like nobody ever cares for what I think not even my parents no matter what I say it´s just not gonna be acknowledged even if it`s true , I should probably mention that I’m not very good at socializing for some reason I get really shy around new people it’s worse with girls much worse.( I go on silent mode when I’m on a date , I’m really good on the phone though) I spent my high school years as that guy who never speaks(I’m not Goth or anything) and of course I became that weird guy that everybody ignores. As an adult I really need to deal with this cause its making my life difficult, because I feel like I’m not good at anything and it doesn’t help to have a criticizing family who don’t understand. I’m the nice guy who allays is gonna be used or taken advantage of and I’m sick of it, everybody is like taking shots at me. What should I do?

I believe that youth being taken seriously by adults is a collaborative effort from both groups. Youth can be taken more seriously by adults simply by communicating professionally their ideas and viewpoints. And for the adults, they should be able to appreciate great work and efforts from anyone regardless of their age. As time passes it will be these same young people running businesses and making decisions we currently make today.

 

The Re-De-Fined Project volunteers

Here are steps to help teens, young adults and adults to get people to take you seriously:

- Your behavior. More than anything else, it's the things you do that cause others to see you in a certain way. If you fool around all the time at school/work, other people are likely to see you as someone that either can't be trusted or you are always looking for attention even at the expense of your dignity. If you want to be taken seriously, stop acting irresponsible.

- Your words. Second in line behind your actions, are the words you speak. If you are brash and/or obnoxious, people will tend to see you as a jokester. If you lie all the time, no one will believe a word you say. If you make up stories to embellish your image, people will see through you. If you want to be taken serious, consider what you say before you say it, and don't say things that others will ridicule. People generally view more seriously people who only speak when they have something to say.

- At home. To be taken seriously by your parents/family, you need to behave in responsible ways. Do your share, learn to do things properly so you don't mess up or break things. Don't make promises and then break them. Be there when others need you and base your decisions on what is best for everyone in the family, not just you.

- Your attitude. Stop hanging around with people who do nothing but talk negative stuff. We can't afford to do this when our goal is to become more positive. The negative people in our life aren't going to like it when we stop participating in negativity. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.

- Confidence. People like and follow confident people. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to be someone others see as confident. Modesty and confidence work exceptionally well together in the battle against arrogance. To be considered confident without arrogance, act with humility and be accountable for your actions.

- Think before you speak. Time and time again, you see people saying things that had they taken a moment before opening their mouth, would have chosen to do otherwise. To be taken seriously, you need to consider your words and how others might receive them. If you take a moment before speaking, you reduce the risk of saying something stupid, which of course causes others to take you seriously.

-Humility. One of the things that separate those who are taken seriously, from those who are not, is humility or being humble. People don't take loud mouths seriously, nor do they look favorably on those who make excuses all the time for their mistakes. Responsible people accept the repercussions of their actions and don't try to hog attention or praise.

We want to be sure and give our youth and young adults the best opportunity to succeed without pushing them along without proper training. Help The Re-De-Fined Project in the area of giving our youth and young adults a voice. You remember what it was like to be brushed off because you were young. Let’s not crush the dreams of tomorrow’s leaders. We dare you to try assisting youth with their visions and inspirations. You may just learn more than you thought.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

FRIENDSHIP IS KEY

By Travis Hardin

An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project




Rehtaeh Parsons



Steubenville Rape Case



 

Friendships between teens and their friends are not always positive. When a teen gets involved with the wrong crowd, he or she is typically easily influenced. Teens may end up doing something they normally would not do. After repeatedly making the wrong choices and hanging out in a negative environment, it may be hard to break the cycle. These types of friendships can have a negative effect on things such as:

• Home life
• Schoolwork
• Grades
• Family relationships
• Attitudes
• Decision-making skills

At The Re-De-Fined Project, we understand how important peer relationships are. We want to be sure we continue to get the concerns and challenges of our youth to those of you reading. Peer relationships are very important to teens. 1) Friendships provide teens with opportunities to develop conflict resolution skills. Teens can learn how to end a fight and still remain friends. 2) Friends provide fun and excitement for teens through companionship and recreation. 3) Friends also give advice to one another. Teens talk through lots of issues and problems with their friends. 4) Loyalty is a valued trait in friendship. Teens are looking for loyal allies that can help them out at school or in their own neighborhood. 5) Friendships also provide stability during times of stress or transition. It is helpful to teens to have a friend who is going through the same situations and can ease the anxieties of the times.

What happens when youth don't have friends? Teens without friends tend to be more lonely and unhappy. They tend to have lower levels of academic achievement and lower self esteem. As they get older, they are more apt to drop out of school and to get involved in delinquent activities.

Friendships change as youth move into their teen years.

• Teens tend to spend more time with their peers.
• They are also more mobile than when younger so more time is spent with peers without parental supervision.
• During the teen years, there will be increased contact with opposite-sex peers.
• In the early teen years, often small groups of friends or cliques are formed which help to boost their confidence and give them a sense of identity.
• Another feature of the teen years is the emergence of crowds. These are large groups of teens who gather together because they have characteristics that identify them with a particular crowd. Teens use crowds to figure out who to associate with. Crowds help teens sort peers into groups of people they would like to spend time with and those they wouldn't. Through crowds and cliques, teens show other people who they are.

 

All in all, the teenage years can be fun and productive. Your involvement in your teen's life will to a large extent determine their future success. And understanding teen friendships and knowing what to expect as your teens become more independent and interdependent with their friends is an important part of the process.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

A SUMMER FULL OF FUN

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

I want to begin this post with a huge hello to those students of SHPE (Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers. We spoke to this awesome group of aspiring engineers on Saturday April 6, 2013 at Arizona State University and we had FUN. For those of you from SHPE reading this blog, we look forward to hearing from you as you walk out the 3 C’s……

I believe many of my friends experimented with drugs and threw parties because they were simply bored. There was nothing better to do so we created our own FUN that our parents would not have approved of. We would “up the ante” during the every weekend boring activities (watching movies, BBQ at a friend’s) so they were more exciting (hook-up and watch a movie, play drinking games at the BBQ).

I truly understand, even if you provide enough FUN activities for 52 weekends, teens will still find ways to drink, do drugs and have sex if they really want to. However, I do believe by helping create activities you are:

a) Showing them you care

b) Showing them you pay attention, so if they try anything you will probably find out

c) Allowing less opportunity for them to be bored and create questionable activities out of boredom

Planning alternative activities can be important yet, there is no need to do it all yourself. I believe it is a great idea to get together with a group of parents from school, or all of your child’s friend’s parents and comprise a “committee like” group to plan something each weekend and take turns carpooling, cooking and hosting. That way you are not responsible for everything and all the parents can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior together. Here are a few suggestions for activities parents can create, provide, and encourage so teens have less opportunity to come up with their own.

- Paintball/Mini-Golf/Laser tag: Teens love doing these kinds of activities; they can be co-ed and not that much money for a few hours of FUN (not to mention physical activity)

- Comedy Clubs: There are a lot of improv clubs, comedy clubs or even coffee shops that have stand-up that allow all ages. This can be a FUN weekend night for teens. You could also ask in advance to use a local coffee shop for the teens to do their own stand-up one night and they will all buy coffee and bring friends as an incentive to the owner

- Plan a Themed Party: No, I do not mean plan a themed party in the 4th grade sense. Be willing to open up your house have a party that will appeal to teens: a 90′s movie marathon and include dinner, fondue, pop-culture trivia night, pool party and BBQ, Taboo, Sequence etc

- Dinner and a Show: Do some research to locate places that offer dinner and then some sort of entertainment like Medieval Times where they have food and then a joust show.

- Celebrate a Holiday (no matter how minor): My mom and dad were “community parents” with lots of patience and enjoyed having friends over. We often had Super bowl parties or Halloween gatherings, where they would come up with games and prepare lots of food. It definitely kept us away from those “parents-are-away-for-the-weekend” parties happening around town.

- Game room: I had a friend whose parents had tons of board games, a ping pong table, air-hockey table, pinball machine and a foosball table. This was a lot of FUN; it was great when it was just boys, but also a great way to spend time with the opposite sex when girls came over to visit his sister.  You might consider some video game systems like a Wii with lots of controllers.

These are just a few ideas. There are plenty of ideas around your city and community; you simply have to be creative. Our youth need to have FUN and know that adults are encouraging the FUN so they do not have to sneak around and find things that could prove to be 1 huge mistake. Here at The Re-De-Fined Project we welcome all ideas from youth and create ways in which we can involve young men and women of all ages. We will continue to do our part, we are simply asking for you to join in the FUN and engage with today’s youth. We promise you will have lots of laughs.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

KEYS TO HIGH SCHOOL SUCCESS

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

1. Successful High School Students Are Organized The successful high school student's papers may be all over the place right now, but chances are that they have dated them and put on a heading that will help easily identify the paper when they’re ready to organize. A successful high school student should also have a place where they can keep track of daily assignments, test dates, and other extracurricular activities.
2. Successful High School Students Ask Questions
Questions to clarify assignments...Questions about difficult concepts...Questions about how the material applies to life...Questions about where to get more answers...And more, and more, and more questions. Successful high school students use questions to create an education that is customized to what they need in life.
3. Successful High School Students Have Support
Whether it is a parent, another trusted adult, or a friend that is a phone call away, successful high school students have someone they can turn to when they need help with an assignment or just need someone to talk to about the stresses of school life.
4. Successful High School Students Focus on Learning, Not Grades
At the end of a homework assignment or study session, a highly successful high school student feels that he or she is successful if they understand the material. If the end goal of studying is solely to achieve a good grade the information is less likely to be obtained.
5. Successful High School Students Read Independently
School doesn't teach everything you need to know. The most successful students read additional material, at least 30 minutes a day. Any type of reading works, whether it is a novel for fun, the articles in their favorite magazine, or an online news site.
6. Successful High School Students Are Well-Mannered
Polite people get things done and win allies for the long term in their high school career and in life. From help on homework, to getting a letter of recommendation, to getting a foot in the door for a future career, successful high school students know that their good manners now will have people lining up to help them later on down the road.
7. Successful High School Students Have Fun in School
There's more to school than class, homework, and lunch. The most successful high school students are involved a few extracurricular-activities, including clubs, sports, community service, and student government.

At the end of the day, students who are involved in more than just what is asked of them trend to be more successful. We here at The Re-De-Fined Project encourage our youth to do more and for the adults to require much more. It begins with you.


Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

LAZY WORK ETHIC IN YOUTH ALLOWED BY SOCIETY

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Teaching your kids work ethics is not a last minute chore. If your kids have reached their Teenage years without having had a single chore in their lives or a single responsibility you have done them a great injustice.

More and more modern parents falsely believe that children should not be burdened with the everyday requirements we all must face. American society is trying to convince us that children would fall apart if we should put any sort of real life pressures on them. Holding our children and teenagers responsible for their own actions, expecting them to work for what they want and teaching them that money does indeed not grow on trees is looked upon as cruel and unusual punishment by some. In certain states, tests have been taken out of schools, since they are afraid that we may stunt the mental growth of some of the less talented students. We wouldn't want to force anyone to think now would we; they may hurt themselves.

Chores, something that were once upon a time a normal thing in a family now seems to be looked upon like a dinosaur, a thing of the past we only marvel at in fear and astonishment by too many youngsters. Parents have taken to "paying" them off with free money to get them out of the house and from under their feet. Excuses like, they will have to work enough when they get older, are not only harmful to a young person's future but are also poor excuses for parents. In case I don't make myself clear with this statement, allow me to phrase it in the following way. Those types of parents would rather hand their children money than to be obligated to spend time with them and actually teach them some life lessons.

How can we, the adults, teach our offspring lessons that are so very important? Simply by giving them chores, jobs and responsibilities. Sit back for a second and think on some of the work you had to perform as a young child and how it helped you become who you are today. If you are a young man or lady who has a great work ethic, I applaud you however, I encourage you to grab another youngster under the age of 18 and tell them to stop expecting everything without work because at some point, the world will no longer be about them. It starts with you!
 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

PRESIDENTIAL STATE OF MIND

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

As Barack Hussein Obama is sworn in as president today for his second term, I can’t help but to think about the mindset of our youth who do not even know the power of potential that lies within each and every one of them.

I spoke to a young man from a local high school last week and he was comfortable saying he had failed 2 classes in the first semester. I told him that was unacceptable and shared reasons why it was unacceptable. His demeanor became defensive as he questioned why I cared. I told him he has everything inside of him needed to become anything he wanted. I told him he needed to push himself harder and strive for A’s and not simply settling for C’s, D’s, and F’s.

Once we discussed his future plans, family, and dreams he told me no one has ever taken the time to explain the consequences of bad grades in the future. He then started asking me questions about my career and family. I told him he needs to have a “Presidential state of mind.” As long as he could think it, the possibility of it coming true was within reach. He could be president of a company, an organization or of these United States. If we do not think it we will never be able to do it.

For every young person reading this post, I hope you not only watched the inauguration of President Obama, but you saw yourself being sworn into a top position in a field of your desire. It doesn’t start when you get older; it starts right now while you are in school and learning what it means to separate yourself from the rest. You must stand out and do the things now, which no one else in your class and/or school is doing. I dare you to start by looking in the mirror and ask if you are doing ALL you can to be the best.

For all the dysfunction that our country is exhibiting at the moment, Dr. King reminds us that the time is always ripe to do right. We should never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person is at stake.

"Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way." ~ Tavis Smiley

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

From our families to yours... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SPLIT SECOND DECISION

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

What would you do if life felt as if it were no longer worth living? Would you take it upon yourself to end something you never started? That is what I have had to think about over and over again as I think about the families of Kasandra Perkins and Jovan Belcher.

Here at The Re-De-Fined Project, we do not have all the answers to issues and problems of our youth but what we do make a conscious effort to accomplish is a consistent ear and avenue for young men and women to talk to. This tragedy which occurred in Kansas City is another reminder that we need to do any and all we can to have an open line of communication with as many youth as possible.

Maine head football coach Jack Cosgrove stated “I thought he was at his best when he was around young people and when he was on the football field where he displayed a work ethic that I think I would categorize as virtually unmatched.”

With this in mind, suicide is a split second decision and it can happen to anyone reading this. If you have not been impacted by suicide in your family, career, local community or simply a friend of a friend, consider yourself fortunate. Odds are, you have in some way been impacted by this tragic result of things people always consider the unknown. No matter your age, we ask for your help in acknowledging that you are closely tied to someone on the verge of this type of action. Take a stand and talk about it because it is REAL. We can’t stop suicide worldwide but we can start in areas close to us by speaking up and speaking out.

Our prayer at The Re-De-Fined Project is for any and all families who have had to endure through this form of tragedy and pray that no one else has it come to reality in their family.

Remember, money cannot make joy a permanent circumstance. Connect with us here at The Re-De-Fined Project and we can show you ways in which joy will be the center of your life. It will take work as it does not come easy. Join me in taking a stand.

God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us- in the dreariest and most dreaded moments- can see a possibility of hope.
~ Maya Angelou

Pay it forward

3 KEYS TO LEADERSHIP

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

One of the joys of being a Communication Consultant and Team Member Network Co Chair is that I sit on executive leadership teams. This mostly means that I spend a large amount of my time in meetings trying to effectively move business and others forward. But it also means that many of those meetings are led by leaders and mentors of our community!
Recently, one of the leaders shared what they consider to be the 3 most important skills of a leader. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them talk about this before, and I don’t think it is written down anywhere. And, I’m sure I’ll shortchange some of their brilliance by trying to pass it along…but it was so good, I have to try:

- The ability to clearly articulate the present reality
- The ability to visualize the future

- The ability to be self-aware

It was the TEAM’s opinion that the easiest skill of these three is the ability to visualize the future. Anybody can have a vision of the future! You really don’t have to be a leader to visualize the future, but you can’t be a leader if you don’t.

It was the TEAM’s opinion that the toughest skill is the ability for a leader to be self-aware. Because leaders are good at a few things, they assume they are good at everything. Many leaders often lack the ability to recognize where they actually get in the way, causing bottlenecks to progress and productivity from fruitfully occurring.

Questions for you to ponder:

- What is the CURRENT reality of your leadership/mentor ability? What are your strengths, weaknesses, barriers to growth, perception amongst teens and adults? Is it a safe place for students? How healthy is your volunteerism? Do YOU believe in YOU?

- What’s your vision for the future? Have you dreamed any big dreams lately? Have you had a “God Idea” recently (an idea so big that only God could make it happen)?

- When is the last time you looked in the mirror? What are your weaknesses as a leader? What do you insist on holding onto that may actually be holding your ability to be an effective leader at a standstill? Have you truly tried to identify some of your blind spots?

I challenge you to consider these 3 keys and ask yourself, “Am I really being effective in the life of a young person?” If you are honest with yourself, your answer just may be NO. Let’s work together and make sure we pass these keys onto our youth. They will thank you later.

The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change, the way I see it, is service to a fellow human being. – Lee Iacocca

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin