BULLYING EFFECTS & CONSEQUENCES AS A VICTIM

During a recent trip to Tennessee to visit family, I was constantly reminded of how bullying remains in the lives of youth. On my flight back, I talked with a few people on board who shared their negative experiences with bullying. I advised we would continue to voice this challenge as we try to engage all youth in Character Building, Career Development and Community Involvement.

For children/youth that are or have been victimized by bullies, there are usually serious impacts on their lives and development. Negative health consequences of bullying can generally be classified under four categories:

• Low Psychological Well-being

• Poor Social Adjustment

• Psychological Distress

• Physically Ill-health

Such harmful effects can be both short-term as well as long-term:

Short-term Effects

Drop in grades to poor school attendance: Victims of bullying typically start to lose interest in school work, and may even avoid going to school, for fear of being bullied. As they spend an increasing amount of time thinking of ways to evade the trauma, they have less energy left for learning, thus their academic results suffer. That would in turn lead to more pressure and shame.

Loneliness and poor social relationships: Victimization is related to immediate effects such as loneliness, anxiety and a low sense of self-worth too. Besides that, those bullied usually have few friends, and their friendships are often of poor quality.

Physical ill-health: Physical ill-health symptoms can occur as well such as headaches, mouth-sores etc. Such health problems take place as constantly resisting and fearing the bully taxes the mental and physical defenses, causing the body system to break down.

Long-term Effects

Lowered self-esteem and depression: Bullying victims generally suffer from lower self-esteem, and a greater susceptibility to depression in the long run as compared to their non-victimized counterparts. Research has shown that there is “a causal link between peer victimization and low levels of well-being”.

Suicide: Apart from that, there had been several cases of “bullycide”, whereby victims commit suicide because of frequent bullying.

Self-harm: Many victims may choose to suffer in silence, or inflict pain upon themselves.

Revenge leading to violent juvenile behavior: Some victims may strike back in vengeance. The latter may consequently display violent juvenile behavior.

Due to the many damaging consequences of bullying, the victims are often trapped in a vicious cycle of continued victimization. Hence proper measures to prevent and to deal with the issue ought to be implemented. Social support is vital too, for the lack of it can contribute significantly to poor mental health among victims as well.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2013

 

As your name was called, you smiled and looked at classmates, family members, teachers, faculty, staff and the principal or president before you walked to get your diploma. What you didn’t share with any of the above mentioned persons was the anxiety you have been dealing with the last few weeks.

Jeanette Winterson said “In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance.”

It is this chaos many of our graduates are in right now as they prepare to go into the next phase of their life. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time. During this transition we here at The Re-De-Fined Project know it can be dangerous as well as filled with profound opportunities.

We want to encourage our youth and young adults to pursue their goals and dreams. The shortest distance between two points may be a straight line, but it is seldom the way human beings arrive at their goals, dreams, and aspirations.

When loved ones offer unconditional love, appropriate boundaries, healthy discipline, and accepts teens as individuals with independent views, allows the teen to develop their unique personality and encourages growth into a responsible and autonomous adult; the teen will make a healthy psychological transition after graduation. We ask you to join us here at The Re-De-Fined Project and celebrate the creativity of our youth and support their vision.

We salute you graduates!

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

YOUTH CAN BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Members of ASU football team @ Andre House

As we finish this 4 part series, we want to concentrate on our youth and their feelings towards being taken seriously. Teens and young adult constantly talk to The Re-De-Fined Project and say they feel as though their thoughts and ideas are not taken seriously. They are told they are too young or they haven’t lived long enough. Are they too young or are some adults being immature and disregarding great ideas and thoughts? The following is an exact post from an unidentified teen:

I feel like nobody ever cares for what I think not even my parents no matter what I say it´s just not gonna be acknowledged even if it`s true , I should probably mention that I’m not very good at socializing for some reason I get really shy around new people it’s worse with girls much worse.( I go on silent mode when I’m on a date , I’m really good on the phone though) I spent my high school years as that guy who never speaks(I’m not Goth or anything) and of course I became that weird guy that everybody ignores. As an adult I really need to deal with this cause its making my life difficult, because I feel like I’m not good at anything and it doesn’t help to have a criticizing family who don’t understand. I’m the nice guy who allays is gonna be used or taken advantage of and I’m sick of it, everybody is like taking shots at me. What should I do?

I believe that youth being taken seriously by adults is a collaborative effort from both groups. Youth can be taken more seriously by adults simply by communicating professionally their ideas and viewpoints. And for the adults, they should be able to appreciate great work and efforts from anyone regardless of their age. As time passes it will be these same young people running businesses and making decisions we currently make today.

 

The Re-De-Fined Project volunteers

Here are steps to help teens, young adults and adults to get people to take you seriously:

- Your behavior. More than anything else, it's the things you do that cause others to see you in a certain way. If you fool around all the time at school/work, other people are likely to see you as someone that either can't be trusted or you are always looking for attention even at the expense of your dignity. If you want to be taken seriously, stop acting irresponsible.

- Your words. Second in line behind your actions, are the words you speak. If you are brash and/or obnoxious, people will tend to see you as a jokester. If you lie all the time, no one will believe a word you say. If you make up stories to embellish your image, people will see through you. If you want to be taken serious, consider what you say before you say it, and don't say things that others will ridicule. People generally view more seriously people who only speak when they have something to say.

- At home. To be taken seriously by your parents/family, you need to behave in responsible ways. Do your share, learn to do things properly so you don't mess up or break things. Don't make promises and then break them. Be there when others need you and base your decisions on what is best for everyone in the family, not just you.

- Your attitude. Stop hanging around with people who do nothing but talk negative stuff. We can't afford to do this when our goal is to become more positive. The negative people in our life aren't going to like it when we stop participating in negativity. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.

- Confidence. People like and follow confident people. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to be someone others see as confident. Modesty and confidence work exceptionally well together in the battle against arrogance. To be considered confident without arrogance, act with humility and be accountable for your actions.

- Think before you speak. Time and time again, you see people saying things that had they taken a moment before opening their mouth, would have chosen to do otherwise. To be taken seriously, you need to consider your words and how others might receive them. If you take a moment before speaking, you reduce the risk of saying something stupid, which of course causes others to take you seriously.

-Humility. One of the things that separate those who are taken seriously, from those who are not, is humility or being humble. People don't take loud mouths seriously, nor do they look favorably on those who make excuses all the time for their mistakes. Responsible people accept the repercussions of their actions and don't try to hog attention or praise.

We want to be sure and give our youth and young adults the best opportunity to succeed without pushing them along without proper training. Help The Re-De-Fined Project in the area of giving our youth and young adults a voice. You remember what it was like to be brushed off because you were young. Let’s not crush the dreams of tomorrow’s leaders. We dare you to try assisting youth with their visions and inspirations. You may just learn more than you thought.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

FRIENDSHIP IS KEY

By Travis Hardin

An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project




Rehtaeh Parsons



Steubenville Rape Case



 

Friendships between teens and their friends are not always positive. When a teen gets involved with the wrong crowd, he or she is typically easily influenced. Teens may end up doing something they normally would not do. After repeatedly making the wrong choices and hanging out in a negative environment, it may be hard to break the cycle. These types of friendships can have a negative effect on things such as:

• Home life
• Schoolwork
• Grades
• Family relationships
• Attitudes
• Decision-making skills

At The Re-De-Fined Project, we understand how important peer relationships are. We want to be sure we continue to get the concerns and challenges of our youth to those of you reading. Peer relationships are very important to teens. 1) Friendships provide teens with opportunities to develop conflict resolution skills. Teens can learn how to end a fight and still remain friends. 2) Friends provide fun and excitement for teens through companionship and recreation. 3) Friends also give advice to one another. Teens talk through lots of issues and problems with their friends. 4) Loyalty is a valued trait in friendship. Teens are looking for loyal allies that can help them out at school or in their own neighborhood. 5) Friendships also provide stability during times of stress or transition. It is helpful to teens to have a friend who is going through the same situations and can ease the anxieties of the times.

What happens when youth don't have friends? Teens without friends tend to be more lonely and unhappy. They tend to have lower levels of academic achievement and lower self esteem. As they get older, they are more apt to drop out of school and to get involved in delinquent activities.

Friendships change as youth move into their teen years.

• Teens tend to spend more time with their peers.
• They are also more mobile than when younger so more time is spent with peers without parental supervision.
• During the teen years, there will be increased contact with opposite-sex peers.
• In the early teen years, often small groups of friends or cliques are formed which help to boost their confidence and give them a sense of identity.
• Another feature of the teen years is the emergence of crowds. These are large groups of teens who gather together because they have characteristics that identify them with a particular crowd. Teens use crowds to figure out who to associate with. Crowds help teens sort peers into groups of people they would like to spend time with and those they wouldn't. Through crowds and cliques, teens show other people who they are.

 

All in all, the teenage years can be fun and productive. Your involvement in your teen's life will to a large extent determine their future success. And understanding teen friendships and knowing what to expect as your teens become more independent and interdependent with their friends is an important part of the process.

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

A SUMMER FULL OF FUN

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

I want to begin this post with a huge hello to those students of SHPE (Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers. We spoke to this awesome group of aspiring engineers on Saturday April 6, 2013 at Arizona State University and we had FUN. For those of you from SHPE reading this blog, we look forward to hearing from you as you walk out the 3 C’s……

I believe many of my friends experimented with drugs and threw parties because they were simply bored. There was nothing better to do so we created our own FUN that our parents would not have approved of. We would “up the ante” during the every weekend boring activities (watching movies, BBQ at a friend’s) so they were more exciting (hook-up and watch a movie, play drinking games at the BBQ).

I truly understand, even if you provide enough FUN activities for 52 weekends, teens will still find ways to drink, do drugs and have sex if they really want to. However, I do believe by helping create activities you are:

a) Showing them you care

b) Showing them you pay attention, so if they try anything you will probably find out

c) Allowing less opportunity for them to be bored and create questionable activities out of boredom

Planning alternative activities can be important yet, there is no need to do it all yourself. I believe it is a great idea to get together with a group of parents from school, or all of your child’s friend’s parents and comprise a “committee like” group to plan something each weekend and take turns carpooling, cooking and hosting. That way you are not responsible for everything and all the parents can keep an eye out for suspicious behavior together. Here are a few suggestions for activities parents can create, provide, and encourage so teens have less opportunity to come up with their own.

- Paintball/Mini-Golf/Laser tag: Teens love doing these kinds of activities; they can be co-ed and not that much money for a few hours of FUN (not to mention physical activity)

- Comedy Clubs: There are a lot of improv clubs, comedy clubs or even coffee shops that have stand-up that allow all ages. This can be a FUN weekend night for teens. You could also ask in advance to use a local coffee shop for the teens to do their own stand-up one night and they will all buy coffee and bring friends as an incentive to the owner

- Plan a Themed Party: No, I do not mean plan a themed party in the 4th grade sense. Be willing to open up your house have a party that will appeal to teens: a 90′s movie marathon and include dinner, fondue, pop-culture trivia night, pool party and BBQ, Taboo, Sequence etc

- Dinner and a Show: Do some research to locate places that offer dinner and then some sort of entertainment like Medieval Times where they have food and then a joust show.

- Celebrate a Holiday (no matter how minor): My mom and dad were “community parents” with lots of patience and enjoyed having friends over. We often had Super bowl parties or Halloween gatherings, where they would come up with games and prepare lots of food. It definitely kept us away from those “parents-are-away-for-the-weekend” parties happening around town.

- Game room: I had a friend whose parents had tons of board games, a ping pong table, air-hockey table, pinball machine and a foosball table. This was a lot of FUN; it was great when it was just boys, but also a great way to spend time with the opposite sex when girls came over to visit his sister.  You might consider some video game systems like a Wii with lots of controllers.

These are just a few ideas. There are plenty of ideas around your city and community; you simply have to be creative. Our youth need to have FUN and know that adults are encouraging the FUN so they do not have to sneak around and find things that could prove to be 1 huge mistake. Here at The Re-De-Fined Project we welcome all ideas from youth and create ways in which we can involve young men and women of all ages. We will continue to do our part, we are simply asking for you to join in the FUN and engage with today’s youth. We promise you will have lots of laughs.

 

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

THE ROAD TO THE FINAL FOUR

By Travis Hardin
An Inspirational Speaker @ The Re-De-Fined Project

Here at The Re-De-Fined Project, we have had many conversations with middle and high school students over the past few months regarding bullying. The results of these conversations caused us to really think about March Madness and how we can effectively bring more information to you and your families.

As teams compete for NCAA’s Men’s and Women’s National Basketball Championship, we wanted to bring a slightly different Final Four to your attention:

-Acceptance
-Fun
-Friendship
-To Be Taken Seriously

We will look at four key areas as determined by conversations with students. These four can be very different from teen to teen however; these four kept coming up in the schools we have been involved in during the 2012-2013 school year. This blog will discuss ACCEPTANCE. We will continue with the remaining three in coming weeks as we wind down to the finals.

As leaders from The Re-De-Fined Project we hear and see a lot of things from youth. One constant is we see how these teens struggle. The one thing they struggle with most is finding acceptance in their peer group. The hardest part for them is getting into that peer group, which usually requires some sort of initiation. This journey towards acceptance by another peer group usually reveals its face in many different forms or problems.

For example, as teens struggle to find acceptance in a peer group, they might need to have sex, abuse drugs, or be athletically inclined to really be accepted.

As a parent, there are many things you can do to help your teen with this struggle. For starters, do you know where your teen struggles? How are they trying to be accepted today?

Your teens struggle for acceptance has to begin at home. As your teen finds acceptance in their home, they will find it easier to be accepted into "good" peer groups, instead of having to fight for acceptance into a not-so-good peer group.

Lastly, as your teen's parent, you have to find ways to communicate to them that they are accepted in their own home. As you identify admirable things about your teen, communicate that to them. No matter how big or small the admiration. Even if your teen says that they aren't looking for acceptance, they are. They will feel a lot of acceptance as you communicate it to them.

We encourage you to help The Re-De-Fined Project gain momentum as we speak more about what it means to “BE BRAVE.”

Pay it forward

Travis Hardin

THE BULLY, THE BYSTANDER, THE BRAVE, CHOOSE ONE

By Jody McPhearson
An Inspirational Speaker at The Re-De-Fined Project

You have to choose a role!

In the case of bullying, there is always attention given to the person that is being bullied. In most cases we rarely, if ever, hear of the person that commits the act of bullying, i.e the BULLY. There is another person that is almost certain to be there that is never mentioned...the BYSTANDER. That's right, the BYSTANDER! Are you a BYSTANDER?

According to a University of Washington report on bullying , about 85% of bullying incidents have bystanders. The report by Craig and Pepler, Making a Difference in Bullying, states that bullying usually stops within 5 seconds when there is someone BRAVE enough to intervene. 5 SECONDS!!!
Watching is just as bad as doing the bullying yourself! Don't laugh because someone is being teased. To you it is teasing, to them it might be torture!

Some believe that we should just allow teens to work these things out on their own. The problem with that is often times the solution is final. Teen suicide is on the rise in our country, in case you have not been paying attention. Bullying is a major part of this problem! In addition to being a factor in teen suicide, bullying is also a huge factor in students bringing weapons to school. In fact, bullying affects everything at school, from grades to relationships.


Which role do you choose?

The Bully?

The BYSTANDER?

The BRAVE?

Time is up? What's your choice?